I remember going to see Igor* - yes, I did - and having to sit through what I remember to be some of the most excruciatingly painful trailers I've ever seen. Among them: Delgo. A tale of kingdom politics and revolt in a world of...dragon-ish looking people. It wasn't the concept I rolled my eyes at because let's face it, kids these days are raised on some truly worthless crap. Nevermind the fact that the concept closely mirrored a whole slew of "kingdom" oriented films from the last 5 years. The part that really got me was the lousy voice-acting from what appeared to be an ridiculously mediocre cast.
I mean we're talking a laundry list of names that anyone whose seen a movie in the last 10 years will recognize. Freddie Prinze Jr. Chris Kattan. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Anne Bancroft. Val Kilmer. Malcolm McDowell. Michael Clarke Duncan. Louis Gossett Jr. Eric Idle. Burt Reynolds. Kelly Ripa.
Despite this who's-who list of "stars" Delgo failed - and it's not without precedent.
Here's why.
While all are very familiar faces I think we can agree that at least half of these listed people share a very striking similarity: their careers have gone to shit out of necessity or by the hand of miserable acting. I've boldened the names of the worst offenders so you can figure out who I'm accusing of bad acting, etc. I've left half of Val Kilmer's name unbolded just because I think the man is still capable of acting - he just rarely does. The same goes for Mr. Reynolds. Anne Bancroft, shame on you.
Pretty impressive that a movie with such a list of recognizable names could fail so quickly, and while I'd like to credit American audiences with comprehending the difference between good names and bad names - I'm not sure I can. But even so - that's just one degree of Delgo's failure.
With an 8-year incubation process, an aforementioned list of has-beens and a wholly unfortunate $237 per-theater average profit - Delgo represents, in my mind, the pinnacle of movie-making dreck. It's unfortunate though that this failure wasn't felt by one of the major studios but rather by Freestyle Releasing. Had this been a studio failure, it would have been a much needed kick in the pants to let them know we're tired of worthlress tripe. Instead a small indie distribution company took the hit. You'd think a company with less money would have higher incentive to make certain they had a "sure thing" under their belt. Really? Test audiences responded to that with anything but a demand for vomitorium reinstatement?
Delgo achieved a $19 per screen average. That means what? Like 3 people were there to 
see it? Maybe an adult and two children per screen (at best). If you have a hankering for film failure you're out of luck - it's been pulled from virtually every screen in the US and let's be honest - DVD release doesn't look too promising. It'll have to go the route of Arthur and the Invisibles which has found sequel opportunity thanks, in large part, to international success.
In fact, upon comparison to Arthur and the Invisibles, the creators of Delgo come across as complete idiots. Arthur and the Invisibles boasted a much better cast AND director (Luc Besson...if you can believe it) and yet still failed to perform well domestically. Among the cast of Arthur and the Invisibles we have Madonna, David Bowie, Freddie Highmore, Mia Farrow, Snoop Dogg, Harvey Keitel, Jimmy Fallon, Emilio Estevez, Rob Corddry, Jason Bateman and, yes, even Chazz Palminteri. While still not a list of superb actors, it's a list which deserves infinitely more credit than Delgo's and, if you've seen it - the movie's actually not horrible. David Bowie as the evil despot, Jason Bateman as his idiot son - there's some pretty great voice acting going on - even if the main characters look kinda weird.
On top of that, Arthur had established director Luc Besson helming the picture whereas Delgo has Marc Adler and Jason Maurer who were unknowns before Delgo, and now because of it, will probably face a future as bleak as their first feature's. Although, if Kevin Smith is correct - these two might "fail upwards" as seems to be the trend in Hollywood.
Stupid Delgo. Stupid.
For a better gauge of just how bad this was - see the trailer. Just wow.
