'Jonah Hex' Vexes With Odd Creative Combo

jonahhexcloseupI'm among those who can't wait to see Josh Brolin take the screen as the legendary gunslingin' bounty hunter Jonah Hex, but when Variety announced the creative team behind the upcoming film I have to say I was somewhat baffled. Now, the Jonah Hex story is strange even by comic book accounts with one storyline taking the ex-Confederate into the future - but I would argue the team assembled to bring the anti-hero to life is even stranger.

Here's the team:

Directed by Jimmy Hayward (Horton Hears a Who)

This will only be Jimmy's second directorial duty and I have to say I'm a bit concerned. Turning from an animated Dr. Seuss feature to a dark and wry, anti-hero western tale seems a bit of a stretch.  Horton Hears a Who was easily the best Seuss adaptation to come along in the last 10 years but even so, the source material is so wholly different that I'm still trying to figure out the thought process that went into this decision. Maybe the man is an avid Jonah Hex fan and lobbied extensively for the job? Whatever the case may be this choice gives me an unsettled knot in my stomach.

Written by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank)

Now, I love Crank. I don't think it's a good film really, but I think it was one of the most entertaining films of its year. That said, the only other film these two have made that you can see right now is Pathology - and it sucks hard. Starring Milo Ventimiglia it was one of the worst films I bothered to rent last year. Why do I give these two the benefit of the doubt? There's at least a hefty library of source material they can draw from. But on the other hand their biggest film to date, Crank, was nothing similar to Jonah Hex in tone or attitude - and considering the only thing they've written besides it is miserable dreck - I'd say there's some cause for concern.

Produced by Akiva Goldsman

If the other two didn't make you worry - this one should. Akiva Goldsman is responsible for producing some of the crappiest blockbusters of the last decade - literally. Lost in Space, Deep Blue Sea, Starsky & Hutch, Mindhunters, Constantine, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, I'm Reed Fish, Poseidon, I am Legend and Hancock. I hate this man. Some of the most over-CGI'ed shit I've ever seen alongside some of the worst films I've ever seen. Starsky & Hutch? Unfunny. Deep Blue Sea? Besides Sammy J. being eaten during a monologue - utter shit. Hancock? I regret even borrowing it from a friend. The man has a track record for creating shiny things of little or no substance. He's the Michael Bay of the producer world (besides Michael Bay himself).

Produced by Andrew Lazar

Okay - now this goes a little way towards canceling out Akiva's almost deafening list of shit with a subwoofer. Sadly, for every good film Andrew Lazar has ever produced he has at least 2 or 3 that cancel them out. I'm not going to list it - but here's his imdb page: Andrew Lazar.

But there is a shining ray of redemptive hope to pierce the dark gloomy cloud of suckage I've outlined above - Josh Brolin and John Malkovich.

If Jonah Hex pulls off a hail mary and makes some good Box Office haul Brolin and Malkovich being cast into the two most major roles of the Jonah Hex universe (the anti-hero and perpetual villain, respectively) gives the series a good chance for sequels. If the ragtag team above somehow combines to make a movie that doesn't embarass the Jonah Hex legacy the same way Hasselhoff embarassed Nick Fury then we'll be in for some of the best acted comic book flicks imaginable.

I really hope I'm wrong about the aforementioned creative team. I really do.

Feb
12
2009
Lex Walker • Editor

He's a TV junkie with a penchant for watching the same movie six times in one sitting. If you really want to understand him you need to have grown up on Sgt. Bilko, Alien, Jurassic Park and Five Easy Pieces playing in an infinite loop. Recommend something to him - he'll watch it.

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