The Wachowskis Doing Superman?

superman_wideweb__470x3090 While being interviewed for German television about his upcoming film Ninja Assassin, director James McTeigue (V for Vendetta) dropped a couple of big ones. The first is that his long-time collaborators the Wachowski brothers (the Matrix trilogy, for which McTeigue provided second-unit support) are now doing a film version of Plastic Man in what promises to be the least necessary comic book adaptation of the next few years. At least, I hope that’s the least necessary. Dear Lord…

The other whopper is that Bryan Singer will not be returning to direct the next installment in the Superman franchise. Instead, Warner Brothers has offered the director’s chair to the Wachowskis, proposing a trilogy of new Superman films that the brothers would write and direct.

Now, I know that there are a lot of mixed feelings about Superman Returns out there. I’ve heard a few people say that it’s the single best superhero film ever made, and others assure me that it was an unmitigated disaster. For my own part, I think there are aspects of the film that succeed brilliantly, while a few unimaginative (and sort of lazy) creative decisions prevented the second half from gaining the sort of traction that it really needed.

As we speak, Warner Brothers is probably spending millions of dollars on market research and highly illegal mind control experiments involving chimpanzees with metal domes strapped to their heads to determine how to best satisfy the public desire for a new Superman film. Let me save them the trouble. I mean, isn’t that what the internet is all about? Providing an intermediary between the nerdy pathetic dorks and the greedy, senseless studios?

Give the Wachowskis Superman under only the following circumstances: you want to make Superman Returns look like the work of Leonardo da Vinci.

What have the Wachowski brothers given the world since The Matrix? The following two Matrix films and Speed Racer. Oh, and they wrote V For Vendetta, which doesn't especially help their case. To be fair, I haven’t seen Speed Racer (yet), but I have yet to hear one thing that suggests in any way that it is a good movie. I mean, did any of the top brass at Warner Brothers actually watch Matrix Revolutions, one of the absolute worst-written movies to ever come out of Hollywood (and I’ve seen Spider-man 3)? Did they even try, or did they just spend all their time coming up with new stupid things they could do with bullet-time? It was ridiculous.

I think one thing’s clear: if Bryan Singer had mixed results on an outing with Superman, what gives us any indication that these two would do it any better? Absolutely nothing. The studio system needs some accountability to it, and should seriously consider getting some new blood in its veins, because one of these movies penned by them would be bad enough. Three, and we’re talking the apocalypse.

Anders Nelson • Associate Editor


New Reviews