THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE WTF: More Joes and Terminator Nudity

thegoodthebadthewtf

Another round of WTF this week courtesy of an ingenious website that capitalizes on our inherent need to see the Predator battle something. Anything. Even if it's the United Trust Company Building in Providence, RI. But first, Jason Bateman has something to say regarding people always asking him about that damn movie version of that damn TV show he was in one time. You know the one.

 

THE GOOD

• In an interview with Collider for his new movie Extract, Jason Bateman offers some sound advice for Arrested Development fans: the movie's still coming, so please be patient and stop freaking out over it before a script is even finished.

I’ve always felt bad that I never had more information to give people when they asked me about it, but I guess people kind of got frustrated by that and they just started kind of making up their own sort of “well, we haven’t heard that much” or “news hasn’t changed so it must be going away”. I don’t know. It sort of took a life of its own on and fatigue started to set in I think about the whole story of it. I mean, there’s really no need to write anything about it at all until [series creator Mitch Hurwitz is] done writing it. Once he writes it then, just like any movie, then it becomes something a little bit more real and then you try to figure out scheduling and you try to figure out people’s deals. I mean, it’s got the same life that any other project would have. It has just as much a chance of happening as it does of not happening really.

So there you go. Can you all just stop writing... Wait a minute, I'm writing about it right now. Damn it!

• Earlier this week Arnold Schwarzenegger responded to the question on everybody's mind: "Does he still have the Conan sword, and does he keep it in his office to practice his own brand of veto?" The answer: Yes. This Twitter post proves it.

Avatar tickets are already on sale. Go forth and purchase, then wait agonizingly until December 18th.

• Christopher Nolan's teaser trailer for his new movie Inception embodies the definition of a teaser by really teasing us with mysterious images. No dialogue, no plot hints—just a spinning top, a man being dragged away from a helicopter, a tipping glass of water, and HOLY HELL ARE THEY FIGHTING ON WALLS?!

Truth be told, they didn't really need to tease that much. You can pretty much sell Inception just with a black screen that says, "The director of The Dark Knight directs these people: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard, Ellen Page, Tom Hardy, Cillian Murphy, Tom Berenger and Michael Caine. Inception, fools. See it."

• Guess what? Black Dynamite finally has a release date—and it's soon! Sony Pictures has announced that the throwback blaxpoitation film that became the talk all around Sundance this year will hit cinemas October 16th.

 

THE BAD

Because the biz of home video sales and rentals are dependent on people browsing the video store randomly picking up movies they've never heard of based on how eye-catchy the covers are (trust me, it's totally based on science), Magnolia Pictures was probably worried that Humpday could be misconstrued as a gay flick. So to rid away the confusion, they have switched that queer-o pink background from the theatrical poster to a pleasantly hetero blue one. They've also 'shopped a chick in between them for good measure. Hey, now it looks like it might lead to a threesome!

As far as I know, the movie on the DVD is still about two dudes planning to bone each other in a hotel room. I hope so, because that's the one I really liked.

• I remember nervously laughing during the Terminator Salvation panel at WonderCon just 5 months ago, when McG jumped on top of a table and riled up the crowd into demanding the WB execs keep Moon Bloodgood's topless scene intact in the film. Something about the sound of a sci-fi geeks roaring for the boobies of a woman onstage—while next to her, her director is leading the charge—that was uncomfortable yet bizarrely laughable. The Terminator pre/sequel was originally written and shot as an R-rated movie, only for WB to chicken out and release a PG-13 cut.

Not surprisingly, they were saving the R version for the DVD. An MPAA bulletin informs us that a Terminator Salvation - Director's Cut has been given an R rating for "some violence and brief nudity." Brief? Mister, if you want to distract people from the fact that the movie's a piece of tin junk, you're gonna need more nudity than "brief."

• 2013 will be a very sad year, as actor/director/choreographer/martial artist/international man of badassery Donnie Yen, now 46, has revealed that he is retiring from the cameras at the age of 50. In this NY Times article, Yen clarifies that he still plans on directing action movies, but it looks like we only have a short while before we say goodbye to his moves. Godspeed, Iron Monkey.

• This YouTube video seems like it's supposedly, possibly, rumored to be an unconfirmed viral marketing video for a Cloverfield sequel, maybe. Looks more like the sequel to Bored Fan Makes Shaky Video in Public Then Pastes a Blurry Still from Cloverfield to me. If this turns out to really be a Cloverfield 2 promo, then the Bad Robot guys have really lost their viral marketing touch. A street sign that says Cloverfield Road, really?

• Paramount Pictures is saying that G.I. Joe did well enough internationally to warrant turning it into a movie franchise. Who says that Real American Heroes aren't marketable for the rest of the world? It looks like the script's tactic of making the team an international outfit pays off, since the movie is still topping charts on foreign markets, with a worldwide gross of $245 million. Now you know, and knowing... Well, you know.

 

THE WTF

timon-and-pumbaa-realYes, this is probably the most mindblowing wildlife photo ever captured. Although it's not that unlikely for a warthog and a meerkat to form a symbiotic relationship, this photo remains contested by skeptics as being a photoshop job. I don't know for sure, but it's more fun to just pretend it's genuine. Genuine and awesome.

Still yet to be photographed are lions re-enacting Hamlet.

• Rob Zombie has signed on to remake The Blob, Variety reports. Zombie says that his intention is "not to have a big red blobby thing -- that's the first thing I want to change." Presumably, Zombie's new and improved Blob will be a big goo of rotting corpses and body parts, comprised of Blob's screwed-up redneck family, and will devour people to the tune of Allman Brothers' "Ramblin Man."

Wikipedia vs Predator. It really is that simple. This website pits the Predator against a random Wikipedia entry every time you log in. Looking at the tally, looks like Predator is winning this war.

• Harmony Korine has a new film, and from what little we've seen, it's living up to his rep. Korine's film is called Trash Humpers, which appeared out of nowhere and showed up as part of the upcoming Toronto International Film Festival's line-up. Here's really all you need to know: the film features "creepy masks, low-grade torture, frequent public urination, senseless vandalism and the title, acted out on defenseless garbage cans, all have a confrontational panache about them to be sure. But the film is also full of poetry, dance, song and moments of aching poignancy."

A lot of blogs are talking about an idiotic rumor started by The Sun that Megan Fox has been cast as Catwoman in the third Batman movie. Of course, the sheer nonsense contained in this news item could be sized up just by reading the article, which seems to have been written by a daydreaming parolee during his break from leering into his neighbor's window, after spending all night playing with GIMP to create the accompanying images. The Sun probably just wanted to outdo The Telegraph's report—a year later—that Cher is playing Catwoman.

Stay tuned next week, when The Sun reports that Christopher Nolan has agreed to cast my genitals as Killer Croc.

Aug
29
2009
Arya Ponto • Contributor

As former Editor of JPP, Arya likes to entertain peeps with his thoughts on pop culture, when he's not busy watching Battle Royale for the 200th time. He lives in Brooklyn with a comic book collection that's always the most daunting thing to move with, and writes for Artboiled.com.

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