On October 28, 2000, Nickelodeon aired Cry Baby Lane, a made-for-television horror movie very much in the vein of its long-running Are You Afraid Of The Dark? The plot centered around a teenage séance which accidentally resurrected the ghost of the evil half of a pair of Siamese twins (who had been separated and buried separately after death). The following day, Nickelodeon received a number of complaints widely described as unprecedented, and the network never aired it again, released it on home video, or even seemed to speak its name, lest it be resurrected from beyond the ether.
But last week, a copy resurfaced online, and fans and thrill-seekers were once again able to see Cry Baby Lane. But as director Peter Lauer perhaps put it best, it may be better for those wondering to keep on wondering than actually see the film and be disappointed. So how scary is Cry Baby Lane?
At its best, the film plays like a feature length episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark?, its aesthetic and setting undeniably similar. It has a stronger actor than usual at its center (Frank Langella, playing the town’s undertaker-in-chief), and its acting, writing, and direction are all above the television standard. But anyone looking for the next great horror film that the last decade didn’t produce is likely to be disappointed. It’s full of atmosphere, to be sure, and its plot recalls the best of those EC comics that were almost lost to history as mothers across America collectively threw them away. The scariest thing ever produced for children remains this.
It’s likely that what riled parents up so much was not just how scary it is, but how frank it is. Film and television is filled with brothers that don’t get along, but it’s rare for a relationship as dysfunctional as the one between Andrew (Jase Blankfort) and Carl (Trey Rogers) to be aimed at kids (the parallel between them and the severed twins is clear, but could have been exploited for greater effect). Their dialogue is never graphic, but it makes clear that most of the elder brother’s taunts are based in sexual insecurity, and that he plays off of the same.
The entire film is linked above, for the time being (you might have to go to Youtube itself to watch it). If you only have time for a little bit of it, skip to 59:33 for the scene that most likely contributed to this getting pulled from the air. You may never look at a horde of teenage girls swarming around you the same way ever again. Or maybe this is the way you always saw them.
