Kyle North

Staff Writer



"Wicked": Not Just A Stupid Boston Expression Anymore, Now It's A Stupid Movie Review

Remember the days of, “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you?” Wes Craven introduced us with a lullaby to one of cinema’s most iconic nightmares. Films like that succeeded with a novel monster; we all need to sleep, so how to escape Freddy? Every year, independent producers churn out low-budget horror fare trying to introduce worldwide audiences to the next ghoul of their dreams. Unfortunately, despite advances in technology that make just about every low-budget film look professional, you still can’t put a price on a good story; The Wicked doesn’t have one.

May
28
2013
Read more

Trying Too Hard Not to be a Romance Dulls "The Assassin's Blade" Review

“I’ll make a man out of you.” So singeth the brigade of misfit soldiers in Mulan, derived from the same Chinese folktale as The Assassin’s Blade. Originally titled The Butterfly Lovers, this American release of a film that bowed in China originally in 2008 has gone to great lengths to rebrand itself as an action film for the martial arts fans. Tragically, the romantically inclined story is attempting to disguise itself as a man, much as its protagonist, when a more honest approach might have reached a dynamically different audience.

May
24
2013
Read more

"Dexter" Cuts Down To Fighting Weight In Its Seventh Season Review

The cop who kills is back, with Season 7 of Showtime’s macabre dramedy, Dexter. Michael C. Hall returns in top form, with a sibling crisis on his hands, not to mention a bloody blade in them. With the eighth and final season on the horizon, seven was a return to form that a tired series needed. After an undeniable peak in the fourth, grisly season, the villains and plots have worked and failed in spurts, much like the blood of the seemingly endless victims in Miami. Fans finally have something fresh to celebrate, not to mention a renewed quivering anticipation for how the house will come down.

May
21
2013
Read more

Angus Buchan's "Ordinary People" Are Nothing Special Review

Kicking off in 2003, South African preacher Angus Buchan gathered Christian men and boys to camp at what became the Mighty Men’s Conference. Since then, it has grown, to thousands of eager followers. In 2006, Faith Like Potatoes, a 1988 autobiographical book by Buchan, was made into a film. It followed farmer Buchan’s difficult life journey, until he gives his life to Jesus and supernatural things inspire him to preach the power of prayer to others. 2012’s Angus Buchan’s Ordinary People is a non-sequel follow-up to this film, now focusing on three men heading to the 2009 Mighty Men with life baggage.

Mar
22
2013
Read more

You Should Probably Abstain from "Lay the Favorite" Review

The sordid intoxication of Dangerous Liaisons. An Oscar nod for The Grifters and yet another for helming Helen Mirren’s statue-winning turn in The Queen. Mix that up with a little High Fidelity and you’ve got the accolade magnet director Stephen Frears over almost three decades of filmmaking. Why then, in this, his continuing journey from such impressive roots, would he make what is a truly abhorrent film conceived from the malaise of narrative blandness and riddled with desperately poor acting from screen stars as distinguished as Frears himself? As 2012’s flop Lay the Favorite drags on and annoys, prepare to ask yourself this question more than once.

Mar
21
2013
Read more

This "Coalition" Should Think About Disbanding Review

Hell hath no fury like women scorned who band together to get revenge on men who used them, forming the titular Coalition. From first-time feature director Monica Mingo, working with a modest budget of $1m, comes a tired plotline infused with one part The First Wives Club and one part Just Wright. Set in the high-income socialite bracket, with sweeping commentary on the misogynistic tendencies of professional athletes, The Coalition is just plain flat.

Prime Alexander (Eddie Goines) is a basketball hotshot still riding with his so-called 1800 Crew. Boozing and carousing, they use and discard women like mixers with bottle service. When Alexander humiliates flame-of-the-week Autumn (Ingrid Clay), she rallies the girls to seek revenge on the men who live without regarding karma and consequences.

Mar
13
2013
Read more

"Collaborator" Needed A Second Look Review

Written, directed, and starring Martin Donovan, Collaborator is a noble first effort. Donovan’s self-cast as a New York playwright on the skids, Robert Longfellow, who heads back to Los Angeles looking for work and a fresh start, or at least a long enough break for his last reviews to disappear in his rear-view. Where Donovan falls short, however, isn’t in the limited scope of his ideas, but rather their unwieldy breadth. Developing parallel plotlines with his estranged wife, Alice (Melissa Auf der Maur), and an old actress flame, Emma (Olivia Williams), Donovan proceeds to visit his not-so-ailing mother, Irene (Katherine Helmond).

Mar
13
2013
Read more

Aardman Animation Plunders the Pearls of Pirate-y & Parrot-y Parody for the Bountiful "Band of Misfits" Review

Yar! Aardman Animation is at it again, ensuring with Pirates! Band of Misfits that family-friendly, proudly British, and Monty Python caliber irreverence stays alive and well in animated features. In a high-sea-sailing genre broadsided by the success of Disney’s Jack Sparrow and his Pirates of the Caribbean haul, the diehard makers of old school stop-motion animation keep doing what they do best. In this case, they fully deliver with an exciting romp that will keep even the most overworked parent awake with laughter as their kids finally settle down. At least for 88 minutes.

Sep
01
2012
Read more

Even the Morons of "Jersey Shore" Deserve a Better Death Than This "Shark Attack" Review

Just as MTV blesses us with the good news that the idiocy of the Jersey Shore will be coming to an end next season, SyFy brings us an amalgamation of ideas too good to pass up: Jersey Shore Shark Attack. Or is it?

The film's scene is set by loosely referencing a spree of historic shark attacks that plagued the Jersey shore in 1916, the actual event claiming four lives and inspiring Peter Benchley’s book Jaws that would become the definitive shark film of all time. Since then, there has been no sign of the killer sharks, until a villainous real estate mogul (William Atherton) drills off shore and sets a small army of red-eyed albino sharks free. A la Jaws, the sheriff and town are slow to come around, but this time it’s “The Complication” (Jeremy Luc) and Nookie (Melissa Molinaro) ringing the warning bells.

Aug
30
2012
Read more

"Girls Gone Dead" Fails As Both a Spoof and Standalone Film Review

What can be said about a film entitled Girls Gone Dead? If that name doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, then look no further than the tagline: “Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Topless…” Now you’re getting the picture.

Rebecca Foster (Katie Peterson) has all the makings of a horror stereotype because, let’s be honest, that’s what the filmmakers were going for. Leaving a heavily religious home where dreams of rituals torment her, she sets off with her cheerleading gal-pals for a party weekend in Manatee Creek. Nearby, Crazy Girls Unlimited, a riff on Girls Gone Wild for those who haven’t put it together yet, is attacked by a masked killer wielding a medieval weapon. If you can’t see it coming, Foster and her friends are next.

Aug
27
2012
Read more


Page 10 of 15

Popular

New Reviews