Last week, I posted my review for the new Kottonmouth Kings album, The Green Album. It was not a good album and I expressed my distaste in my criticism. I assumed that would have been the end of it. After all, it was something like my thirtieth (guess-timation) review for the site, and I had thus far only received one comment on all of them. The comment by “adam” for Secret Machines disagreed with my analysis, but he offered his own opinion in a civil manner (and even called my writing “eloquent”). I respected his own observations, saw why he liked it more than I, and replied to his differing view politely. And that was it.
But with The Green Album, I have apparently struck a nerve with some people (I assume that they’re all fans). Not only did the review get commented upon, but the posts kept pouring in. At the time of writing this, there have been six angry responses and a handful of defenses and/or stunned reactions from the JustPressPlay staff.
As of now, it is the most popular page on the entire site, even beating out Porn Director Reviews "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", which I assumed would be untouchable because it had “porn” and “porno” in its title (you just can’t beat that on search engines). Normally, I would be thrilled that one of my reviews is receiving so much attention, but instead I’m a little depressed; not because so many disagree but because the disagreements are so intellectually insulting. I was pleased with what I wrote, and appreciate it when someone disagrees with me and confronts me about it, but the differing comments have been inordinately profane, violent and, worst of all, entirely unconstructive. I’ve even received a couple of nasty emails, which really confuses me since I assumed that my email was privately secured in the database (maybe they know me, but I doubt it). I have done my best to ignore the “hate mail” because there’s really no way to respond to such open hostility without sinking to their level. Nevertheless, something ought to be said, not just in my defense but in the defense of anyone who gets flamed for publishing their opinion in a professional capacity.
First, about the review. It’s difficult for a critic to read books, listen to music, watch a movie, etc. without having certain expectations. But in this case, I honestly had none since I had only heard of the band and had never sampled their material before. Then I listened to it and my heart sank. I gave it a 2 out of 10, and I rounded up. The problems were like quicksand; every time I resisted, I sunk deeper and deeper. A bad song disappoints me. An album full of bad songs depresses me. An album running past seventy-seven minutes of bad song after bad song is actually painful. And that’s what it was. I had to stop the disc twice before reaching the end because I had to clear my thoughts. I don’t need to explain the reasons why I felt that way here (you can read them in the review), but understand that I didn’t intentionally trash the Kottonmouth Kings because of any reason other than the fact that I hated the music.
Some others, though, have come to conclusions about myself and my viewpoints, and have attacked that aspect rather than defending the music. At best, they simply say something to the effect that Kottonmouth Kings rule. It’s an opinion they are entitled to, but one that really could use a nourishment. Why do you like them? Why do you like this album? What are your favorite songs? What about my criticisms of the music do you find fault with? Instead, I am accused of being a variety of profane names and that I hate people who smoke marijuana. I wasn’t a self-loathing college student, so I think it’s safe to say that the latter part is inaccurate. As for being an idiot, a shitfuck, a f--king tard, an asshole and so on, well maybe they got me on that one. Can’t prove one way or the other.
Now I admit that the review does have a sour aura about it. Perhaps it was a bit too nasty. Maybe the fault lies in my prose and I didn’t make myself clear. But that’s the effect that The Green Album has. It drops you into a dark place, an uncomfortable place, a place you just want to escape. I would have paid money for someone to just take it away and let me abstain from my duties as a critic. But alas, I could not, and I forged ahead. Some remarks were perhaps too bilious, but I had to nurse my wounds somehow. I tried to use humor, but some found it too derisive and lashed back. I apologize if I offended anyone but I will not retract a word I said about the quality of the music.
I will make a few admissions. Making assumptions about what sort of people would like this album was unnecessary. Good, honest and intelligent people could very well like The Green Album (though I see no evidence of that on the comment board). And while I admitted in the review that I respected their decision to donate a portion of the profits to environmental projects, I pointed out that they made absolutely no attempt to continue that trend in their lyrics, and remarked that the album’s name was derived from weed slang and not Mother Earth, as they claim. Again, an assumption I believed to be safe, but perhaps unfair. They could be a pack of Leonardo DiCaprios for all I know, working and fighting to save the planet, but they didn’t express it intelligibly in the songs at all.
Here’s a tip for those who disagree with my critique: approach it in one of three ways. Either a) vent your unintelligible frustrations to friends or fellow KMK fans, b) add a comment to the review that displays your disagreement in a civil and specific manner, or c) just let it go. We can start anew, you know. This is a fresh post. A new, unspoiled page. If you’d like, let’s start a discussion right now about the pros and cons of the album. Let’s be communal and respectful and tell me how I was wrong without resorting to childish namecalling. Because you guys and/or gals who love KMK and posted on the review page are just making it easier to defend my opinion.
P.S. It’s difficult to discern sarcasm in writing, so maybe I’m way off. Maybe all the angry messages are just sly and subversive attempts to prove to me how right I was. For instance, “Fisher” wrote, “Haven't you heard their song "Bring It On" from one of their previous albums you douchebag c--kpopping dumass [sic]? ‘Try to Punk Kottonmouth and get burnt like a wick’.” Doesn’t that prove that these guys write the worst lyrics?
Last week, I posted my review for the new Kottonmouth Kings album, 
