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The Bond Formula: Best and Worst
Written by Matt Medlock
Monday, 10 November 2008   

Once upon a time, a James Bond film was considered the biggest movie event of any calendar year. But with the advent of the summer blockbuster in the mid-to-late 70s, a new Bond film is still considered an event, but rarely one that towers over everything else. With the upcoming release of Quantum of Solace, the 22nd official 007 film, Bond is still a viable and hugely profitable franchise, but other films this year have garnered even more hype (The Dark Knight and the fourth Indiana Jones movie, among them). But thanks to excellent critical and financial returns for Casino Royale (a huge step up in quality from the last two Pierce Brosnan efforts), James Bond is rising to the top again.

From a critical perspective, James Bond has surmounted an otherwise impossible distraction: the formula. It’s easy to plot out the course of a Bond story because almost all of them adhere to the same rules. Many of them have interchangeable characters, action scenes and villainous plans that slide into a different entry without sacrificing anything. So how has he remained a regular fixture in cineplexes since the early 60s?

Key ingredients of the Bond formula are included nearly every time. First, a pre-credits action sequence, usually entirely unrelated to the rest of the film. Then the credits themselves: stylish silhouettes of our hero and scantily-clad (or entirely “un-clad”) ladies move in and out of frame, all set to a pop tune. Then, in various order, a villain(s) is introduced, a typically outlandish scheme revealed, various numbers of beautiful women come in and out of the story trajectory, a huge villain’s lair is populated by dozens of nameless lackeys, gorgeous locales are hopped to and from, and action scenes abound, usually featuring hi-tech gadgets and lots of close calls. Add a handful of straight-faced one-liners, a couple martinis, a visit to the baccarat table and an appearance from regulars like M, Q, Moneypenny and Felix Leiter, and voila—a James Bond movie.

Formulas rarely work the first time around, and certainly not as the number of tries approach two dozen. So, with no surprises left, how in the hell is James Bond still nearly guaranteed blockbuster results? Where did James Bond get it right when Rocky, Star Trek and countless horror icons ran out of steam? Here’s my theory: it’s the perfect formula. Yes, perfect. That’s not to say that every 007 movie has been great (in fact, there are far more mediocre-to-bad ones than there are true winners), but if most of the elements are in place, and they’re handled right, you can’t possibly fail. You know Bond’s going to thwart the megalomaniac, end up with a babe sighing, “Oh, James,” and all without ruining his tuxedo, save for a few minor tears and scuffs. But with originality in short supply in Hollywood, all that matters is how it’s done.

There are notable exceptions to the formula rules. The first major Bond release, Dr. No, had certain pieces in place, but the character was fresh and everything still hadn’t settled. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service was a major departure at the time: naturally, a new lead was different, but even more so, we find Bond getting married and then reacting to nemesis, Blofeld, killing her during the final scene—a rare emotional moment for the usually unflappable hero. And recently, Casino Royale was a franchise reboot, returning to Bond’s roots, and the elements are cleverly skewed: the supposed main villain is iced with a half-hour left, Bond falls in love and again loses her to death’s cold grip, and the movie ends on a cliffhanger of sorts, setting up the first ever true sequel in James Bond film history (not to mention there’s no Q or Moneypenny). But even with these tweaks, the common elements still appear, and we love them when they’re done well. It’s like going to an aging rocker’s concert—you know what you want even after hearing the songs a hundred times, and so long as you get it, you’re going to leave with a smile painted across your face.

So let’s take a look back through the last twenty-one official James Bond adventures and celebrate the best of the best (and the lowest of the low).

BEST GADGET: TRAVEL KIT (LICENSE TO KILL)
It would have been easy to choose the Aston Martin from Goldfinger (far and away, the coolest vehicle Bond ever had), but nothing sums up 007 gadgetry like the travel kit delivered by Q in License to Kill. It combines the throwaway gadget gag (exploding alarm clock, guaranteed to never wake you up), the bizarre (a camera that shoots a laser and takes X-ray pictures), the explosive (plastic explosive toothpaste and cigarette pack detonator) and the high-tech cool (signature gun with optical palm reader).
RUNNERS UP: The aforementioned Aston Martin (Goldfinger), the tear gas-spraying suitcase stuffed with concealed knives and money (From Russia with Love), the laser-emitting watch (GoldenEye), the lamely-named but impressively maneuverable one-man helicopter, Little Nellie (You Only Live Twice)
WORST: Invisible car (Die Another Day). Absolutely ludicrous, and featured in a yawn-inducing, overblown action sequence.

BEST BOND QUIP: “I MUST BE DREAMING” (GOLDFINGER)
I eliminated “Bond, James Bond,” and, “Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred,” since they’re both repeated many times and way too obvious. And since the one-liners issued by Bond are usually of the so-awful-you-laugh-anyway variety, the natural winner was one that was hilarious no matter your tolerance for groaners. So when Bond awakens and is told by the woman hovering over him that her name is Pussy Galore, his response, “I must be dreaming,” is too priceless to forget. A shame that most of the other good lines in the series are delivered by Q/R/M (to say nothing for the famous, “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die,” by Goldfinger).
RUNNERS UP: “Maybe I misjudged Stromberg. Any man who drinks Dom Perignon '52 can't be all bad” (The Spy Who Loved Me), “Does it look like I give a damn?” (Casino Royale—after being asked if he wants his martini shaken or stirred), “No, no, no. No more foreplay” (GoldenEye), “I think he got the point” (Thunderball—after killing a villain with a spear).
WORST: “I thought Christmas only comes once a year” (The World Is Not Enough). Not only is it a particularly vulgar double entendre for the supposedly classy MI6 agent, but it’s delivered to the noxious Denise Richards (playing Christmas Jones…yes, Christmas Jones). The pits.

BEST THEME SONG: “LIVE AND LET DIE” (LIVE AND LET DIE)
A rare rocking tune from post-Beatles Paul McCartney, it’s one that’s equally good for the movie and the radio. One of the few highlights of the otherwise mediocre first outing for Roger Moore, the instrumental break even owes a lot to John Barry (the composer of the signature Bond theme). Classic.
RUNNERS UP: Shirley Bassey’s “Goldfinger,” Garbage’s “The World Is Not Enough,” Duran Duran’s “A View to a Kill,” Chris Cornell’s “You Know My Name” (Casino Royale), Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better” (The Spy Who Loved Me) purely for iconic status.
WORST: “The Man with the Golden Gun.” Many to choose from (and many more I’ve simply forgotten), but I recall Lulu’s theme song to be especially useless—even with John Barry scoring it.

BEST BOND GIRL: PUSSY GALORE (GOLDFINGER)
Yeah, there have been several Bond girls who were sexier than Honor Blackman, but Pussy was the rare match for Bond: intelligent, tough, and she resisted his advances (for a while). Plus, it was actually a performance instead of a vapid model reading lines. And, of course, the name alone would put her in the top three without any debate.
RUNNERS UP: Tatiana Romanova (From Russia with Love), Honey Ryder (Dr. No), Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale), Tracy Di Vicenzo (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service), Natalya Simonova (GoldenEye).
WORST: May Day (A View to a Kill). The worst list is even fuller than the best ones, and it was tempting to choose the embarrassing Christmas Jones from The World Is Not Enough or the barely pubescent Bibi Dahl from For Your Eyes Only (ick), but nothing is worse than the love scene featuring the mannish, muscled Grace Jones and a lumpy, 57-year-old Roger Moore. Nightmares…

BEST BOND VILLAIN: AURIC GOLDFINGER (GOLDFINGER)
Not only does Goldfinger feature a great main villain, but it also has the memorably imposing Oddjob, the series’ best henchman. What makes Goldfinger stand out? True chemistry with his nemesis. Too often, the villains are relegated to mid-film introductions or only match wits and weapons with 007 during the last couple of reels, but Goldfinger and Bond play games of one-upmanship through the entire film. Bond out-cheats the cheating Goldfinger in a high-stakes card game, Goldfinger kills a Bond girl by covering her in gold paint; Bond again out-cheats Goldfinger on the golf course, Goldfinger’s thugs wreck his badass ride and he aims a laser at Bond’s favorite “gadget.” And so on. Only complaint: Goldfinger is handed one of the lamest death scenes in the entire series, getting sucked out of a de-pressurizing airplane, complimented by laughable effects (it was only 1964, but still…).
RUNNERS UP: Ernst Stavro Blofeld (several entries), Franz Sanchez (License to Kill), Rosa Klebb (From Russia with Love), Francisco Scaramanga (The Man with the Golden Gun), Xenia Onatopp (GoldenEye).
WORST: Georgi Koskov (The Living Daylights). The Living Daylights is a serviceable Bond adventure, but is hampered with some of the lamest of enemies. Joe Don Baker’s Brad Whitaker is a buffoonish bore, but Jeroen Krabbe takes the cake, playing Koskov as a whiny wimp. How did Bond not pistol-whip this weakling to death before the opening credits even began crawling?

BEST BOND MOVIE: FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
Based on best villain, Bond girl and quip, it probably should have gone to Goldfinger, which is the most entertaining of the lot. But From Russia with Love was great start to finish—no readily apparent flaws. It’s tightly-plotted, generously convoluted (but not confusing), and well-directed, written and performed. It’s a rare Bond movie that would have been a great film regardless of its iconic character. Add to that a terrific fight sequence aboard a train, the best one-film Bond ally in Kerim Bay (his death affects us—and Bond—more than any other male field accomplice), and style to spare. The Bond formula was patched together in this one (and sealed in Goldfinger), and this is about as perfect as the secret agent ever got.
RUNNERS UP: Goldfinger, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Casino Royale, License to Kill
WORST: Die Another Day. A popular pick for the bottom of the barrel with just about nothing going for it—considerably worse than other rotten entries like Moonraker and The World Is Not Enough. Lousy CGI-dominated action, bland villains, stiff acting (the usually decent Halle Berry was terrible), and an utter lack of suspense and sophistication. In fact, it’s about as laughable as the myriad spoofs of the character (certainly funnier than the third Austin Powers pic).

I could have ranked other elements of the formula, such as pre-credits sequence, villain’s hideout, exotic locale, action/fight/stunt sequence, and so on (you could even debate which actor was the best Felix Leiter), but these are the main contests. Naturally, the most glaring omission is simply who was the best James Bond? It’s not really a fair question: Connery was cinema’s first, so it’s his role. All others are automatically compared to him, so no actor will ever top his interpretation. And it’s too early to judge the so-far-so-great Daniel Craig—until his term as Bond is complete, it’s still a work in progress. As for the other picks, post your own favorites and most-loathed choices. And here’s hoping Quantum of Solace can be another strong entry in the venerable series—even if it does resort to the tried-but-true Bond formula.