Review and news hub for movies, music and video games

Visual:		2.0
Audio:		2.0
Acting:		1.0
Writing:		1.0
Score:		1.0

Director(s):	David S. Goyer
Writer(s):	David S. Goyer
Starring:	Cam Gigandet • Carla Gugina • Gary Oldman • Jane Alexander • Meagan Good
Genre:	Horror
Release Date:	January 09, 2009
Rated:

If the definition for a great horror film included nothing but the presence of disturbing imagery The Unborn would rank as a masterpiece. We'd look back fondly on The Unborn ten years from now and say "Wow, remember The Unborn? Best horror film ever." This will never happen.

The Unborn fails in virtually every conceivable way: the building of suspense, creating an eerie atmosphere, portraying characters whose fate we care about. Within the first 30 minutes you notice The Unborn sorely lacks these qualities but by then you'll have laughed in places you just know the writer, David Goyer (Batman Begins), never intended you to do so.

Did you know that if your twin dies and you don't they become very irate and spend their remaining time on Earth terrorizing everyone you know? David Goyer does and has written a movie that for the lack of the aforementioned horror film qualities, any decent acting and writing attempts to show us how to deal with such a catastrophe. Needless to say - it doesn't look good. In any sense.

The Unborn plotline features two very basic horror elements: creepy little children and demonic forces that seek to possess living people. Otherwise fill in space between beginning and end with the following generic plot - after a series of odd events a girl learns the terrifying truth about the twin she never knew she had and his ambitions to get revenge from beyond the grave. Spooooooky. Honestly, it's not the plot that did this one in as we've all seen terrific horror films with plots just like it. In fact, executed differently -- with dialogue that didn't make you desire a melon-baller intruding upon your cerebellum or acting with the grace of a petrified forest - The Unborn could have been palatable. But potato bugs eating out the innards of characters in between bouts of possession wherein the face distorts and the body contorts make for good gross out moments...and nothing more.

So unfulfilling.

If I couldn't have said with 100% certainty before seeing The Unborn that Gary Oldman had starred in this dreck due to the positive experience he had on Batman Begins - I can and will now. Gary Oldman deserves better. He and Carla Gugino, the oldest of the cast (at least the cast with any impact on the plot) feel so out of place here. It's an unabashedly mindless and dumbed down teen horror flick that has two people, yes even Gugino, who are too good for this. Jane Alexander, the grandmother - not so much.

The rest of the cast? Screw them. It's like a pissing contest of eunuchs. They can't use what god gave them in a meaningful manner so they let spill the fecal matter of their talents in an effort to validate their existences on screen. Existences which, with each film, seem less and less worthwhile. Each young talent attempts to bring some sort of "actor's flair" to a part written for a cardboard cut out and, by doing so, look all the more ridiculous. Meagan Good and Cam Gigandet fall on their chins with every line making dialogue that should have seemed terrified laughable.

Even to die hard horror fans, who rush to theaters with a passionate devotion to their genre regardless of all forewarning of critics and peers alike, The Unborn will feel like a $10 admission wasted. Sometimes I wonder if movies brought out in January, the studio dumping ground for shitty films, should have discounted admission prices. The Unborn deserves no more than $4 a viewing and consequently will fare better as a rental. Anyone willing to drop the full $10 for this subpar horror film should ask themselves: do I own all the horror classics available on DVD? If not, I'd recommend purchasing one of those - the experience will be infinitely better and you can relive it over and over.

I run the risk of sounding like an abortion endorsement but The Unborn doesn't deserve your time.