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Visual:		7.0
Audio:		5.0
Acting:		5.0
Writing:		2.0
Score:		3.0

Director(s):	Rob Letterman • Conrad Vernon
Writer(s):	Maya Forbed & Wally Wolodarsky and Rob Letterman and Jonathan Aibel & Glenn Berger
Starring:	Hugh Laurie • Kiefer Sutherland • Paul Rudd • Reese Witherspoon • Seth Rogen • Will Arnett • Rainn Wilson • Stephen Colbert
Genre:	Animation • Children & Family • Comedy • Sci-Fi
Website:	http://www.monstersvsaliens.com/
Release Date:	March 27, 2009
Rated:

At this year’s Oscars, Jack Black made the perceptive joke that he earns more money by doing a DreamWorks project and then betting his paycheck on Pixar winning the Oscar. That Jack Black feller has wisdom the size of a panda, for it is with expected disappointment that I must say nothing has yet to change. Monsters vs Aliens, as usual, is a horrid exercise in lowest common denominator comedy, offering nothing exceptional in both animation and humor. If not for the blockbuster voice actors, this is the kind of cartoon you’d expect to see weekly on Nickelodeon as an after-school slot filler.

The concept is lively enough—A 50’s sci-fi throwback that pits versions of classic monsters like The Blob, Mothra and the 50-Foot Woman against those generic flying saucer aliens. In 3-D, to boot! All that’s missing is a drive-in venue. It’s a premise that one can really run wild with, given the proper imagination. In the hands of Monsters vs Aliens’ creative team, it becomes another excuse in pooling the hippest Hollywood talents to help elevate a halfwitted script.

Check the names involved. Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Hugh Laurie, Kiefer Sutherland, Rainn Wilson, Will Arnett and Stephen Colbert. Even bit roles are voiced by “cameos” such as Amy Poehler, Renee Zellweger, John Krasinski, Jeffrey Tambor and Ed Helms. Looking at the credits, I wondered if they had an “A-list actors and popular TV cast only” sign posted in front of the recording studio. Of course, rather than expecting them to create characters and sell humor with their voices—which is what professional voice actors do, AHEM—these "face" talents (most of whom I admit to being fans of) simply cater to their individual following.

Of course Colbert plays a pompous politician. Of course Hugh Laurie plays a mad doctor. Of course Seth Rogen plays a giggling man-child. Of course Witherspoon is the clueless California girl, Will Arnett the overconfident loser, Kiefer Sutherland the hardass, Paul Rudd the amiable boyfriend, Rainn Wilson the bitter egomaniac villain, blah blah blah. On paper, it’s perfect casting. On viewing, it’s predictable, old, and boring. The script doesn’t bother building these monsters as characters because they already have the shortcut of banking on our attachment to the people behind the voices. The gimmick casting gets old twenty minutes in—and then you’re left with shallow caricatures as your protagonists. Even for a kids film, this is problematic. It’s an empty, oh-so-zany venture that provides nothing but shiny colors amidst worthless babble for 90 minutes.

Half of the humor rely on lame pop culture references (President Colbert parodies Close Encounters by playing the Beverly Hills Cop theme for the aliens—wait, what?) and some risque laughs (references to a giant woman having huge boobs and a gag involving a dead Invisible Man). There’s something awkward about how the film marries the exaggerated slapstick antics with talents appealing to a college audience, more so than previous DreamWorks animated movies. It’s too wink-wink for kids, too infantile for anyone above the age of seven.

For Bay Area residents, there are some inside jokes that stand out (“Hide in the city, you’ll be safe there! But stay away from the Tenderloin, it tends to get a bit dicey.”) and the recreation of San Francisco as an action set-piece is, on the whole, impressive. How far does that carry it, though?

If you must see this movie—maybe you or your significant other or your children have some sort of fetish for cuddly make-believe creatures such as Will Arnett—make sure you see it in 3-D. The new Tru3D tech used in authoring the film is fairly impressive in providing unparalleled depth in certain shots. It helps keep the film visually splendid. Lord knows nothing else is.

Next year, I’m following Jack’s lead and putting my money down on Up.