There is a special area occupied by movies neither truly bad nor anywhere near good, a film Purgatory if you will. These films are not misunderstood nor well made but just strangely appealing and leave you stumped when someone asks the simple question “How was it?” Legend of the Bog is one of these films, a film that might be fun in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way if it didn’t take itself so seriously while undercutting its own intentions with some genuinely mind-boggling music, listless acting and a barebones plot built around a relatively novel horror idea.
As you can see from the cover of the DVD release, Vinnie Jones, he of Bullet-Tooth Tony fame (Snatch, for the uninitiated), is front and center. Except he isn’t – this is an ensemble horror piece through and through, with Jones playing the moronically named Mr. Hunter, a (wait for it) hunter with a serious craving for recently revived bog bodies, preserved and prized archaeological finds in any place that has bogs. The place in question is somewhere in Ireland, clearly near Dublin and has its fair share of deep, murky and generally unattractive bogs.
As we are reminded time and time again, bog bodies were often the victims of ritualistic ceremonies, cast down to that feared area of neither heaven nor hell: the bog. That seems to be the only bit of research writer/director Brendan Foley felt he needed to do to justify pretty much every absurdity that the film indulges in. The body, played by Snatch alumnus Adam Fogerty, magically returns to life after being dumped into a ditch by construction workers who find it on a site, and proceeds to go on a killing spree. The trick is the bog body needs water to survive, although judging by how Fogerty plays the role, he is more animal than man, feral and idiotic despite being seen engaging in halfway decent sword fighting in a cut that hearkens back to the Bronze Age. Is there ever a possibility that a man reincarnated by some odd means from a past long ago would behave in a non-homicidal manner? Not in this film. But then again, it wouldn’t be all that interesting to watch.
The bog body soon crosses paths with a collection of American tourist cousins, a professor who specializes in bog bodies (what a coincidence), a lecturer who acts as a chauffeur to the prof, an incredibly shrill and annoying real estate saleswoman, her wise-cracking cabby and Mr. Jones himself. There’s some nonsense about them all being connected by the sins they committed that never really goes anywhere but drags out the film's running time as each character has a dramatic moment when he or she tells their story and we flash back to a poorly mounted recreation of the incident in question.
Meanwhile, a variety of poor choices and a lack of brain cell activity put our characters in harm's way as the bog body continues to rampage across the open woods. One outlandish scene has the professor reaching out toward the bog body to shake his hand, when Vinnie Jones fires on it and causes the already violent undead man to rip the head off of one of their companions. Other eye-opening circumstances include the employ of a rejuvenating door in Jones’ cabin, a laughable discharge of one of the characters by his own car and the most unlikely killing twist I recall in a film (watch for Jones pouring gasoline somewhere).
I would be remiss not to mention the hilariously out of place score, completely nullifying any tension by varying between soulful acoustic guitar and (this is what gets me) soaring bagpipes. Bagpipes in a horror movie could go one of two ways and I haven’t seen a horror film get the intricate melody of this instrument to meld effectively with any thriller elements. Whatever the director’s intentions, the score is just one of the reasons to avoid Legend of the Bog. But then again, just looking at the DVD cover may cause most discerning renters (or Netflixers at this point in time) to turn away.
On a technical note, the DVD looks and sounds like a poorly made low-budget horror film so expect a fair amount of grain and passable sound. At least if you turn it up you'll be able to hear those glorious bagpipes blare.
DVD Bonus Features
The requisite collection of Lionsgate trailers as well the film own preview round out the extras.
