Review and news hub for movies, music and video games

So New Moon made over $140 million this past weekend. I wish I can say that I'm surprised, but really, who would be? It's Twilight. Everybody should've expected it to do gangbusters.

You might have noticed that we don't have a review for it... yet. There's a reason for that. I went to a screening of it last Wednesday, but never made it into the theater, after my stubborn self encountered a problem passing the security check. Nothing too scandalous, I didn't bite anybody—that night, anyway—but I scuttled on home skipping out on my date with the hot new reel on the block. So what did I do instead?

I could have seen the movie during the weekend, of course. But hey, it was busy breaking three different box office records: opening day (beating The Dark Knight), midnight showing (beating Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) and November opening (beating Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire). Instead of braving the sea of fangbangers, I decided to compile a list of movies I could watch that would more or less add up to the same film, sort of. Maybe it's more like what I'd hope New Moon would be like.

I don't know, I think in theory this is pretty solid. Those of you who have actually seen the film, you tell me.

• • •

1. Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet

Here's the plot of New Moon: Edward abandons Bella and lives in exile in order to keep her safe, but a miscommunication causes Edward to incorrectly believe Bella to be dead, which leads to him attempting suicide. Anyone familiar with Shakespeare would know that this is taken directly from the last act of Romeo & Juliet—minus the tragic ending.

Of all Romero & Juliet adaptations, why Baz Luhrmann's? Unlike most, I never particularly minded Luhrmann's lurid style. Romeo & Juliet has always been a tale of lust and teen angst more so than romance, so Leonardo DiCaprio's histrionics in that film is perfectly on point. If you want to compare the bard's creation to Twilight characters, this is the version it resembles most.

2. Dazed and Confused

Some people wonder why Edward, a 108-year-old guy, would go to school and hang around with high school kids. Those who ask this have clearly not seen Dazed and Confused, because Matthew McConaughey's slacker icon David Wooderson already answered that question in the movie.

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

The main difference between Edward and Wooderson, of course, is that Wooderson doesn't bother going to class over and over.

3. Deer Woman

Twilight introduced Jacob and other Native Americans of the Quileute tribe. While it's true that according to their mythology, the Quileute are descendants of wolves (the name even derives from their word for "wolf"), they are not known to be werewolves or shapeshifters—that would be Stephenie Meyer's own invention. This has more to do with popular culture's perception of Native Americans as mystical or even magical people. Shapeshifting is a pretty basic ability often attributed to them, for whatever reason.

In John Landis' wonderfully hilarious Masters of Horror episode, titled "Deer Woman," the titular Deer Woman played by Cinthia Moura doesn't transform into a deer, she's just a beautiful woman with deer legs, but the convention is essentially the same. Landis (who made the second best werewolf movie ever made, by the way) took an actual Native American shapeshifting legend and suited it for his purposes. Moura's sexiness is exploited just as much Taylor Lautner's abs are in New Moon, too.

4. Pretty in Pink

What's romance without a love triangle? In New Moon, we see the beginning of a conflict that would lead into the next movie, Eclipse. It's a triangle that has already divided the fans into Team Edward and Team Jacob shenanigans. Should Bella choose the dangerous dreamboat she's madly in love with, or the best friend who's always been there for her?

In the John Hughes-written 1986 teen sensation Pretty in Pink, Molly Ringwald had the same dilemma, having to choose between the lover from a different world Andrew McCarthy or the protective best friend Jon Cryer, who would jump into a fight like Jacob would, and does. If you've read the fourth Twilight book, you'd know that in the end, Bella makes the same choice Ringwald did.

5. House of Dracula

Of course, a silly love triangle may not be enough to recreate the Edward/Jacob conflict. After all, they're not just two teenage boys—they're monsters. But Edward and Jacob are not the first vampire and werewolf film duo to fight over a human girl.

While not a prolonged love triangle like New Moon, the 1945 Universal monster movie House of Dracula did feature Dracula and the Wolfman both falling for a mad scientist's beautiful assistant. Bonus point for this film over Twilight, however, for including Frankenstein's Monster into the fray. Maybe that's what Twilight needs. If Stephenie Meyer ever writes a fifth book, it should have a handsome 17-year-old patchwork of corpses.