If any one of you kind readers possesses the ability to look two minutes into the future, you can already see what this review says about Nicolas Cage’s latest career-diving entry. Then you can spend time better by reading better reviews of better films. But you don’t have such superpower, so you better just keep reading.
I’m not sure why exactly Phillip K. Dick is even credited for this movie, that’s supposedly based on his short story “The Golden Man”. No one would have ever guessed, since Next has a completely different plot, setting, premise, and characters. In fact, the only resemblance it has to Dick’s story is that its hero Cris (Cage) shares the same first name and paranormal ability as the mutant villain in the source material. But whatever.
Long story short – and by long I mean it makes no goddamn sense – Cris is a Vegas magician who can see two minutes into the future; an ability that makes him an asset to FBI Agent Ferris (Julianne Moore), who’s trying to stop Euro terrorists from using their super-nuclear bomb that can supposedly take out everything from Los Angeles to San Diego. This terrorist group is a little odd, because they’re reportedly Russian, yet the actors playing them speak French to one another. Hmmm. They must be a confused bunch; which would explain the many, many unbelievably stupid decisions they make in the film. One of them is their decision to risk blowing their whole operation by committing their evil resources into killing Cris, who they don’t even know anything about. Like children, they just assume that if the Feds are interested in him, then they must get to him first. If the FBI needs a dude with superpowers to capture that gang of amateurs, then boy, are we sh-t out of luck.
Speaking of which, Ferris apparently comes from an FBI that’s obviously desperate, since she seems to get full backing and resources to capture someone who may or may not be psychic. Fox Mulder would be so jealous. How the FBI even began to take an interest in a lame lounge act performer is never explained, presumably because it can’t be. If the FBI’s idea of counter-terrorism is scouting Vegas acts for possible recruits, then they’re just being lazy. Ferris is worse than Mulder, because she trusts Cris’ ability explicitly, to the point where, during an important raid, she refuses intel. Her reason? “We have him.”
Trying to make sense of the logic behind Cris’ skill would just lead to headaches, since the film stretches the whole “two minutes into the future” thing beyond its sensible possibility. It not only gives him precognition skills, but it also makes him pretty much a telepath with Neo-like reflex and impeccable timing. It makes Cris untouchable, and that castrates every single action sequence in the film. He knows everything. He can’t get hurt. Therefore there’s no suspense whatsoever; it’s just one scene after another of Nic Cage dodging crap thrown his way in awkward fashion. His superpower is a cool idea, but it’s a lousy way to base action scenes around. They tried to give him his kryptonite by having people wait two minutes before they spring on him, a logic I can’t for the life of me follow, since theoretically Cris can see two minutes into the future at any time.
The best usage of his ability in the film is a scene where Cris tries out multiple different pick-up lines to approach Liz (Jessica Biel), which got me wondering if they should’ve just used the premise for a romantic comedy instead.
Like all generic thrillers nowadays, Next has a “shocking” twist ending. But Next's is so ballsy, so ridiculous, and so Twilight Zone, that it made a whole packed theater collectively groan. If you had been into the movie so far, then you’d be rightfully pissed. But if you’ve just been sitting back wondering how abnormally silly the whole flick is, the ending might be the clincher that almost persuades you to forgive the movie and accepts it as the campy trash it’s proud to be. Almost.
The jester in me is tempted to end this review by yelling the predictable “Next!” But after carefully assessing this and the abysmal Die Another Day, I don’t think I can stomach director Lee Tamahori’s next movie.
"Next" opens April 27, 2007 and is rated . . Written by Phillip K. Dick (source), Gary Goldman, Jonathan Heinsleigh, Paul Bernbaum.
