Well, call me old-fashioned if you must, but am I the only one who likes my pirate movies to be about, well, pirates?
Not that I’m accusing the Pirates of the Caribbean series of suffering from a lack of pirates, but something has gone amiss since the series expanded their fantasy horizons. The first film was deliciously simple – a tale of pirates and pirate ghosts (or ghost pirates). The plot was fairly straightforward. It was a classic swashbuckler with plenty of swashbuckling and cheeseball pirate-like rope-swinging and port-hopping; exactly what you’ve come to expect if you’ve ever been on the Disneyland ride. Then somewhere along the lines, we get a literal Davy Jones, goddesses, sea creatures, giant monsters, crazy mystical worlds, cannibals, and some sort of giant wheel. What happened to good ol’ Yarrrrs and Mateys?
At World's End’s biggest success is in returning the main conflict to a real pirate story. The film begins with a chilling montage of ex-pirates being hanged by the dozens, effectively setting up the end of their era, ushered in by the East Indian Trading Company under Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander), who now has Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) in his service. A call to arms is sung, signaling the time for all pirates to come together and fight a common enemy. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) are revealed to be two of nine Pirate Lords, who must convene. After retrieving a map from the Chinese pirate Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat), Barbossa travels to world’s end to bring Jack back from the dead, with the help of Elizabeth (Kiera Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom).
Be warned, trying to follow the plot following this, because braver men have tried and lost to the sea. This third entry almost parodies the series’ own signature plot twists, with characters changing their mind and switching their allegiance pretty much every two minutes. I’m sure pirates are a swindling, untrustworthy bunch; but watching this film, you’d think they’re all from Memento. The story becomes a giant ocean of mess, and yet, I’m not so sure that’s even a bad thing. The entire middle section of the movie (after Jack’s resurrection and before the big pirate war finale) is so throwaway and irrelevant that it doesn’t even matter who backstabs what, the story still turns out the same at the end. There’s even a subplot about the goddess Calypso that goes nowhere, practically just another excuse for a big CG moment. It’s this big gaping hollow section that is actually made rather entertaining by the ridiculousness of one backstab plot twist after another.
The first encounter with Sao Feng, also the movie’s first big action scene, sets a high bar for the rest of the film – hard to go wrong with Chinese pirates and their swashbuckling kung fu. Unfortunately, this level of energetic action is not repeated again until the film’s climax. What do the beginning and the ending have in common? Pirates fighting Beckett’s men. Simple as that. There’s an excitement in seeing rousing sea battle scenes that just cannot be achieved by giant CGI creatures. At World’s End puts a lot more grit in vicious swordfights and cannon launching, and is certainly more violent than its predecessors, which makes it quite a confused movie. The juvenile, kid-oriented sense of humor is still there – including some third-grade worthy “Is not!” “Is too!” banters – which shows that this is what happens when you try to make a bloodcurling pirate flick with Disney watching over you, making sure there’s enough magical wonders afoot. The special effects in the Pirates movies are some of the finest you’ll see, but it gets tiresome pretty fast to see one spectacular bombastic moment after another, something that the second movie greatly suffered from and World’s End smartly reined in. When they pull out all the stops in the finale, the movie truly ends with a satisfying bang.
Depp, Rush, Nighy and Chow – and even Keith Richards – all pirated-up for the film, and are tons of fun to watch (especially Rush’s too-awesome-for-words Barbossa), specifically because they are playing over-the-top caricatures. It’s Bloom and Knightley, who are given actual drama to work with, that are completely lifeless and boring. Who cares about their romance in a film like this, really? This movie would have been phenomenal had they cut out Turner’s shenanigans and deliver a lean, mean 100-minute pirate movie. As it is, it doesn’t deserve to be three hours long.
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" opens May 25, 2007 and is rated . . Written by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio.
