Let’s say you really love scallops. You go to a restaurant, see a delicious-looking scallop salad on the menu, and you readily order. You’re expecting an attack of deliciousness upon your palate, with all the flavors working together to enhance that of the scallop, and vice versa. What you get instead is a merely decent scallop whose taste is utterly mitigated by the wilted bed of lettuce upon which it sits. You can tell the scallop is trying to make the best of its situation, but there’s only so much it can do when the rest of the ingredients are so damn bland.
Anyway, Simon Pegg is kind of like the scallop in this admittedly weak metaphor, and How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is your mediocre salad. Pegg is a fantastic comic actor (see Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) so it’s a shame to watch him waste his talents on this, a film which is essentially the male version of the Devil Wears Prada, with GQ-esque Sharp standing in for Vogue-esque Runway.
The film begins near the end, with our dubious hero, Sidney Young, recounting how he got to be the rich, successful journalist he is today. He begins his career as a low-level celebrity journalist for his own independent magazine; he crashes parties, talks up the stars, and generally acts like an arrogant asshole. But he sure is lovable! That pretty much sums up Young’s characterization for the whole of the film.
Anyway, eventually he catches the eye of Sharp magazine editor Clayton Harding (Jeff Bridges), who invites him to work for his highly-successful publication. He accepts, and proceeds to crash parties, talk up the stars, and generally act like an arrogant asshole, all whilst being – you guessed it – totally lovable. One particular sequence shows Sidney in a limo, heading to a soiree with a few of his co-workers. He is utterly enamored by the bright, city lights while his coworkers feverishly type away on their blackberries. And therein lies the divide. We’re supposed to adore Sidney and see everyone else around him as being soulless bastards. But, while his colleagues are shallow and uptight and pretentious, Sidney’s still kind of a douche.
At times his antics are just unbelievable. I don’t mean that he’s so wacky and wild and totally outrageous in an oh-my God can you believe that what a character! kind of way; I mean the situations he gets himself into just feel implausible and, well, kind of stupid. Here we have an ostensibly smart, talented man who knows the magazine business, and yet he’s going to impossible lengths to sabotage his career, not to mention the already tenuous relationships he has with those around him…hence the title, I suppose. But still! No rational-minded human being would ever act this way. I mean, come on: hiring a transsexual stripper to perform a lap dance for one of his superiors in his first few weeks of work? No one is that brainless. That said, when the film drops the bomb that Sydney actually has a Master’s in philosophy, suspension of disbelief doesn’t just go sailing out the window; it goes plummeting into the Grand Canyon. Sidney is not just some free spirit who marches to the beat of his own drum; he’s a goddamn buffoon who, quite frankly, doesn’t seem to give a shit about his career. Now, the film is based on a memoir, so it’s safe to assume that the real Young (whose name is actually Toby) probably took some creative liberties with his own story, as writers are wont to do, possibly to make himself appear zanier than he is in real life, or to warrant the making of a film based on his book. Either way, success!
Anyway, aside from Pegg, everyone else just kind of seems to be half-assing it (et tu, Jeff Bridges?) Megan Fox plays a beautiful but brain-dead starlet on the verge of international fame (I know, really reaching here.) She is, obviously, stunning, but her dead-eyed posturing and forced grimacing is downright embarrassing to watch. At least she seems to know that she’s only there to provide the requisite eye-candy, a task which, granted, is made infinitely easier by the fact that she’s acting opposite Kirsten Dunst.
It’s not that the film is absolutely terrible or anything. It’s genuinely funny at times, mostly thanks to Pegg (I know, I know, I’ll stop). But the whole thing is just so…predictable. Of course he gets into wacky predicament after wacky predicament without getting fired. Of course he sells his soul only to redeem himself just in time, sacrificing sex with the gorgeous Sophie Maes (Fox) in favor of pursuing a relationship with Alison Olsen (Kirsten Dunst). Of course he finds fulfillment only when he quits his sycophantic job. It’s like paint-by-numbers for filmmaking. The potential is definitely there (though it could just be my love for “scallops” talking), so it’s really quite a bummer that the film eventually just winds up resorting to your typical, middle-of-the-road romantic comedy fodder.
DVD Bonus Features
The DVD features two separate commentary tracks: one with Weide and Pegg and one with just Weide, though I highly doubt you'd bother with either one because that would involve watching the film again, and this isn't one of those films. There's also a short making-of featurette, but I'd recommend you avoid it unless you want to watch Robert Weide pretend like he's made some sort of poignant artistic statement for twenty minutes.
"How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" is on sale February 17, 2009 and is rated R. Comedy. Directed by Robert Weide. Written by Toby Young (book), Peter Straughan (screenplay). Starring Simon Pegg.
