I should probably preface this review by saying that I am not at all familiar with the Whitest Kids You Know, save for the fact that they are a comedy group and they apparently have a show on IFC that a number of people are fans of. Two of that group’s members, Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore, not only star in, but also write and direct Miss March. Having seen this effort, I’ll say that I’d be willing to give their show a shot -- but only if there was nothing else on.
You’ve probably already heard the plot synopsis by now, but considering how that only covers about ten minutes of the film, I’ll give you a little more. Eugene Bell (Cregger) is about to lose his virginity on prom night; but he gets too drunk and falls down a staircase landing him in a coma for four years. His best friend, Tucker Cleigh (Moore), wakes him up by beating him in the face with a shovel. Within a matter of about five minutes, we discover that Cindi Whitehall (Raquel Alessi), the girl to whom he was going to lose his virginity, is now a Playboy playmate. As fate would have it, there’s going to be a party at the Playboy mansion in two days and they decide to drive all the way across the country to reach it. I tried adding up the logistics, and trust me, just don’t bother. On top of all that, they're running from Cleigh’s epileptic girlfriend Candace (Molly Stanton) and a group of firefighters in a joke that never really comes together. It’s but one of many.
The biggest problem with this movie is this: it has a plot. It shouldn’t. Plots have a structure, require an orderly sequence of events, characters with motivations and many other things like that which can be very messy. I’m not going to argue that this is a funny movie, because it really isn’t. There’s one sight gag that works and it’s roughly the equivalent of the famous death scene from Deep Blue Sea. A few other moments worked decently, but it would be hard to point to a single true example of comic inspiration in the movie. As a comedy it’s not very funny; as a drama, trying to squeeze a modicum of acting talent out its characters, it’s positively excruciating -- especially given the characters we have to work with.
Looking like a long-haired Ace Ventura and acting like a vague amalgamation of all the other ‘friend-trying-to-get-his-buddy-laid’ characters to come out of the 1980s, Moore’s Cleigh just might be the least deserving comic creation to be pushed on the American public in quite some time (at least a week). Every time he’s on screen he never lets you forget for a second that he’s the ‘funny one'; even though he doesn’t make you laugh once. At first, it’s tolerable; but after a while, he starts reminding you of every freshmen in college eager to make people laugh by doing whatever it takes. But as uncomfortable as it is, it’s nothing compared to Cregger’s Bell. At the end, when this movie seems to be trying to make a point about respecting women and having healthy relationships (I’m serious), it’s he whom rants to his former girlfriend calling her a whore while criticizing her for taking her clothes off for the magazine. Previously in the film, he punched another guy for saying he slept with her. He was in a coma this entire time and not expected to wake up, mind you. This is our lead character for our adolescent sex romp? Man, give me old pie-screwing Jason Biggs any day.
Having said that, I'm willing to believe that these guys are capable of better work on a smaller scale with a much shorter timeline (maybe five minutes or so). This movie doesn't feel inept so much as uncommitted; as if neither of these guys really cared about what happened with it, so long as it was released in theaters. For their sake, I'm willing to hope that's the case.
"Miss March" opens March 13, 2009 and is rated R. Comedy. Directed by Trevor Moore, Zach Cregger. Written by Zach Cregger, Trevor Moore. Starring Craig Robinson, Hugh M Hefner, Molly Stanton, Raquel Alessi, Trevor Moore, Zach Cregger.
