Have you ever walked out of a movie theater and thought: “There went 90 minutes of my life that I will never get back!” That was seeing Super Capers for me. But instead of thinking it only as I exited, I thought it throughout the movie. “That was 5 minutes of my life that I will never get back.” “Oh boy, there goes another 5.” I’ve compiled a list of some activities I would have rather been doing:
1) Getting a filling at the dentist. The bright light glaring at you, the white gloves coming at you with shiny silver utensils that look sharp enough to do some real damage. I tell you, one slip of the tools and you could lose a cheek. Or at least shoot a hole through one.
2) Cleaning up cat vomit. As much as you love the little mongrels, when they beg for food and then eat it so quickly they throw it up—the last thing you want to do is clean up the rug.
3) Getting the chicken pox again. I’d deal with the horror of rubbing that pink lotion all over myself and tape oven mitts over my paws like Friends’ Phoebe in order to prevent my eager hands from scratching—all just to not have to see that movie.
Super Capers is similar to the 1987 spoof Spaceballs, whose goal was to make comedy out of the wildly popular and sometimes overly dramatic Star Wars series. The difference is, Mel Brooks chose specific moments to poke fun at—and parodies specific characters. Super Capers is also a parody, but of super hero flicks as a whole. We see bits of Superman, Batman, hell, even the Fantastic Four. And does anyone really want to see that again?
The movie starts with wannabe super hero Ed Gruberman (Justin Whalin) attempting to save a woman being held at gunpoint. Instead of receiving praise, he gets arrested for injuring the gunman and the judge sentences him to live in a halfway house for super heroes-in-training. He and the other hero trainees, whose powers are not only pretty useless but extremely cheesy, find themselves on a mission to stop a villain. Instead of revealing he doesn’t actually have super powers (he just wears a suit and pretends to be one to imitate a Superman-type he idolized as a child), Ed prays to God for help. (Really?) The Super Capers captain, Will Powers (Ryan McPartlin), in turn thinks Ed’s special ability is that he has the “right hand of God” on his side. (Oh Jesus.)
The villains aren’t exactly fear evoking, but when all members of the Super Caper squad are detained, it is up to a powerless Ed to save the day. In his white uniform — designed to highlight his “powers” — he travels back in time to thwart their enemies. (Please!)
Aside from the plot being too silly for even a child to enjoy, everything else that went into the project was even more absurd.
The costumes were ridiculous. The pieces made of foam that were shoved into the skin-tight suits made to resemble six-pack abs were commonly in disarray and never looked quite right on the super hero’s stomach. Were they really necessary? We all know Superman’s abs and Batman’s abs are built into the costume also, but come on Super Capers! It’s just ridiculous. And even if it was simply for parody’s sake, it wasn’t funny—so all it ended up doing was making the flick more embarrassing.
The actors seemed to be aware of how embarrassing it was. It included a ton of self-reflective lines including talking about The Super Capers’ scientist’s obsession with Star Wars and then later including an “I’m your father” scene. It was just too much. The audience doesn’t need the self-reflectiveness to understand the in-jokes.
A little of it never hurt anyone, but a lot of it—like in Super Capers—no. It’s better left off. And honestly, you are better off not bothering with this super hero spoof. If someone actually said they liked the film, they’d really have to be pandering, because just about anybody would rather clean up cat vomit.
"Super Capers" opens March 20, 2009 and is rated PG. Children & Family. Written and directed by Ray Griggs. Starring Justin Whalin, Ryan McPartlin.
