The movie itself is critic-proof, but the box office, DVD and Blu-ray sales are not. It seems that Disney’s nigh endless well of self-made stars may finally be starting to dry out – and not a moment too soon. Since the Disney Channel shifted away from playing old episodes of Tale Spin, Goof Troop and Gummi Bears all those years ago, they’ve been on an endless and seemingly unstoppable quest to create and market a new generation of stars. Unto itself, that’s not a bad goal. But even after unleashing Shia LeBoeuf on the world, Disney’s thirst for creating celebrity legacies became insatiable. Hannah Montana. Miley Cyrus. And now the Jonas Brothers; but unlike Hillary Duff, the Jonas Brothers don’t even have the smallest modicum of talent – and Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience makes that clear in as many dimensions as it can.
The target audience for Disney’s latest concert flick pays no mind to their parents telling them the Jonas Brothers are nothing special; in fact they ignore the words of warning from every person who’s seen this phenomena come and go. Screaming girls with flailing arms extended towards their teenaged heartthrobs threaten to overpower the calculated strums of the guitars as they play songs written by Disney’s songwriting hatchet men in dark rooms with nothing but said girls in mind. It’s a darkly vicious cycle and the transparency of the entire situation is finally letting the light through. Songs about oooh, girl, how you’re so beautiful; or dang, girl, how you broke my heart; or even an acoustic diddy about how I’ll wait for you. We can’t blame musicians for rehashing on the same messages forming the basis of virtually every rock discography belonging to the likes of Bon Jovi, Meatloaf or Sting.
But there is no effort to be found in the Jonas brothers’ corner. They don’t perform for the love of the music. Disney’s dreamy trio isn’t about the music. It isn’t really even about the fans. It’s about converting at least one or two of these boys into marketable movie stars – which explains the bits and pieces in between the two to three song sets. These moments offer the screaming girls before their TV sets a few minutes to ogle at the brothers as they talk or walk showcasing their photogenic potential for all the other studios to see. The strutting doesn’t work. Instead of showing us three brothers with remarkable talent, we see them for the mediocre musicians with a lucky streak that they are. Are they anymore deserving of fame than three other male musician trios? Not at all. So why were they picked? They’re brothers with an uber-family-friendly message of anti-sexual proclivity.
And yet, the sexual overtones here are eerily prevalent. A large hose showering adolescent girls with white gunk? Teenaged guys prancing about on stage singing about love with shirts half unbuttoned? Not to sound like the prudish parent everyone resents, but Disney sends mixed messages with the Jonas Brothers’ feature film debut. It’s great to find ways to involve the audience and give them some experience that’s more than purely aural, but I’m not sure white foam was the right choice. Why not throw tied-off condoms filled with water into the crowd instead? It’s still an overtly sexual message disguised as a childhood activity (running about under a hose vs. water balloon fights). If Disney isn’t to blame for the concert’s unflinching anti-sexual hypocrisy, then Bruce Hendricks comes next in line. The truth about the foam-spewing-hose will be known; even if we have to beat it out of him (I can do overt sexual innuendo too, Disney).
The three-dimensional work disappoints. Do we need to see hands waving in 3D? It may lend itself to a more immersive concert experience, but otherwise it’s a waste of the technology that does little more than remind people of how many directors still use the effect as a gimmick and little more. Director Bruce Hendricks could have spent more time focusing on the stage and the performers than on the audience – but he didn’t. Hendricks could have shown non-concert footage with actual weight as opposed to the staged bits with the band and fans; but he didn’t. Hendricks never attempts to utilize the technology to the best of if its use nor the band. We receive little in depth coverage of their lives on the road and are instead asked to settle for a superficial candy-coated pill of Disney marketing. The tweenage generation might not care now how little they actually get from this movie, but in 5 years, if they ever look back on this film, they’ll realize just how short changed they were. They’re not being entertained but conned.
Blu-ray Bonus Features
There are no extra features, whereas Disney has instead chosen to give us the format blitz instead. The Blu-ray copy includes a DVD and digital copy as supplementary material. The DVD only has the film in 2D and the same is true of the digital download. There are four pairs of 3D glasses included – but it’s Red & Blue lenses, so there’s a migraine headed your way.
"Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience - Deluxe Extended Movie" is on sale June 30, 2009 and is rated G. Children & Family, Concert-Film. Directed by Bruce Hendricks. Written by N/A. Starring Demi Lovato, Joe Jonas, Kevin Jonas, Nick Jonas, Taylor Swift.
