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I saw it. I saw the monster. The moment I looked up at it, I was in awe. Not for how the monster looked or shaped, but for how genuinely tense and terrified it made me feel. The destruction it left was unbelievable, and I was there. I was in the middle of it, looking at the absolute chaos around me—at times I was excited, other times I freaked out, though I admit there were also times that I felt I was part of something very, very cool.
I should start at the beginning. When the night started, I was at a surprise farewell party for this guy Rob—who was leaving New York to become a vice president in Japan—arranged by his brother Jason and Jason’s girlfriend Lily. I really didn’t get to know much about them (except that Rob was going to Japan for that VP job), as I was only briefly given introductions to them before the party got underway, but I could gather from their conversations what they’re all about, and I grew friendlier toward them as the night went on. Rob’s best friend Hud was going around with a camera filming everything and asking for testimonials. I thought the idea was gimmicky and novel, but it ended being fun to see Hud so into it. It seemed like he was surgically attached to that camera, because he wouldn’t put it down. I pointed out how ridiculous it was, but eventually I bought into it and let him be.
Hud was easily my favorite of their bunch. He was goofy and kept saying things from behind his camera that made me laugh, easing me in to their group quickly. He seemed sweet on this girl Marlena. Later, after the initial explosion, I saw her following Rob’s group branching off into the city, away from the survivors. Apparently looking for Rob’s sweetheart Beth. Rob, like his own brother said, was kind of a douche, but he impressed me with his determination to rescue Beth at all cost. It was the classic love story between them, the dash across a burning city to save his maiden. Though it didn’t start out that romantically.
At the party, Beth showed up with another guy, which didn’t make Rob happy. They got into a fight and Beth left. I realize how gossip-y this sounds, but I’m glad I was there—Now I understand better why Rob absolutely had to go against odds and rescue Beth.
As soon as the first explosion hit, some girl at the party cried “terrorist.” In hindsight, I should’ve cringed. It’s been over six years since 9/11 and I thought we were past throwing that word around; but at that moment, I was right with her. The fear in everyone’s eyes, the confusion and panic that happened afterwards as we shift through the debris on the streets, the chaos ensuing… It was the immediate conclusion that came to mind. Perhaps that is our world now and there’s no escaping its influence on everything we endure. I felt like I was in an action sequence from Children of Men, except far more fantastical all-around, and went on non-stop until it was over.
Looking back, my experience during the attack was full of jaw-dropping episodes, so visceral that I didn’t even have time to recall any of those rubber suit monster movies I used to like as a kid. It was different. Viewing it from a ground-level first-person perspective, the monster barely mattered. Okay, sounds stupid, right? A giant monster attacked New York, and the thing didn’t matter? Yet it’s true, and just as much of a surprise to me. It was all about our survival as human beings. It was all about people in impossible situations and seeing how they conduct themselves. Damn that monster for starting all this, but oddly enough, it was the least of my problems. More eerie and displacing was having to listen to survivors phoning their loved ones to inform deaths, knowing all the time that they died because of some thing from a B-movie and its street-dwelling Graboid babies—my harsh reality crashing with my boyish fantasy.
As I ducked and covered around Manhattan, I didn’t spot the monster at first. People kept telling me how horrific it was and how much I’d be shaken. I thought they had to be exaggerating. At one point I was even sure that when I finally see the monster, I wouldn’t be too shocked. But I saw it… and it left an impression I didn’t expect. It lived up to the hype.
I don’t know if there is a reason or deeper meaning to what happened that night—it might just be wanton destruction—but I do know that I wouldn’t forget it any time soon.
"Cloverfield" opens January 18, 2008 and is rated PG13. Horror. Directed by Matt Reeves. Written by Drew Goddard. Starring Jessica Lucas, Michael Stahl David, Mike Vogel, Odette Yustman, Lizzy Caplan, T J Miller.
