Like last year’s The Condemned, Untraceable tries to cynically raise a point that people just loooove to watch violence and are therefore depraved, but depends itself on that same audience to support it. Untraceable, however, takes the concept a little further, a little more absurd. Apparently, we’re not only voyeurs, we’re also a little homicidal as well.
Diane Lane plays Jennifer Marsh, an FBI agent who’s quicker with the keyboard than the gun, spending her nights scouring for perverts and copyright infringers on the internet. That is, until she receives a note informing her of killwithme.com, a website where a serial killer rigs death traps that kill its victims faster when the website gets more hits. So begins the race against time for Agent Marsh to chase down and fight our killer.
But wait—isn’t she a computer expert? Yes, but who wants to see an entire movie about Diane Lane typing on a computer and talking to her fellow geeks at the office, right? After all, even To Catch a Predator spruces up its stings with a battalion of armed cops who shout and scream with their guns drawn, no matter how unnecessary and counter-productive. Gotta have pizzazz! Solution: a quick techno-babble scene (actually the only one in the movie) where Marsh explains why the site can’t be shut down or tracked because it’s simply too slippery for their FBI computers, and presto! Now we got a thriller with real consequences that we get to see in Saw-like manner. But just to make sure the audience doesn’t feel dumb for not getting what’s going on, there’s the token dumb boss and his “I didn’t understand a word you said. Speak English!” shtick.
What follows is an overlong thriller that shows different torture methods with the same punchline: people are bloodthirsty, and no one can stop it. It’s like torture porn making a commentary on torture porn, with all the suspense cut out because we know it’s a geeky dude smiling behind his Linux, taunting the FBI with messages like “ROFL… MTC…” (No, really). To the AOL impaired, that translates to “Rolling on Floor Laughing… More to Come…” Evil incarnate, this guy.
The only creepy thing about his character is his ability to magically hack into anything, even FBI employees’ PCs, to spy on their private family photos. We don’t need a movie for that when Facebook is around. One sequence that’s been heavily featured in the trailer is the killer hacking into Marsh’s car. This scene goes from hilariously stupid to hilariously short, since really there’s nothing a villain can do with it except to turn off the engine, in which the solution is to climb out of the car. THRILLING. But of course, not before a chilling call from the killer, hacking through the car’s OnStar system. Why not just call her cellphone, which he knows the number of? Because product placement paid for this sh-t, and it’s gonna get its screen time no matter what.
A potentially lively piece of detail is that the killer’s website only records visits from the US, blocking access from other countries. Is it trying to make a political commentary as well about Americans and violence? Who knows, because it’s nothing but a throwaway little comment in the film that was never mentioned again. For all we know, it has to do with timezone differences. What’s precious is how Untraceable requires you to be as cynical as it is in order for you to buy the premise. This isn’t a Hostel-type deal where select people choose to do it, or even a Battle Royale-type deal where people are forced to do it. This movie came to the conclusion that everyone with an internet connection would willingly participate in murder.
The final shot of the movie has Agent Marsh showing her FBI badge to the camera, towards us, pretty much upgrading the film’s message from a warning to a full-blown morality threat. My only question is, if this movie bored me out of my gourd, does that mean I have good morals?
"Untraceable" opens January 25, 2008 and is rated R. Drama, Thriller. Directed by Gregory Hoblit. Written by Robert Fyvolent, Mark Brinker, Allison Burnett. Starring Diane Lane, Billy Burke, Colin Hanks, Joseph Cross, Mary Beth Hurt.
