I’ll promise one thing right off the horn: no plot descriptions here. The Indiana Jones franchise is about discovery and the revealing of mysteries, so it’s only fair for an audience to start the movie as in the dark as Indy is about what it is he’s after.
Besides, in this movie, it doesn’t matter what the story is. Ask yourself, do you honestly care what Indiana Jones is hunting for, or do you just want to see him in his fedora once again, cracking his whip and stumbling into death traps? Yeah, I thought so.
In Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, we find Indy older but not much wiser. In their attempt to make him just as we remember him in the past, Spielberg and co decided to make Indy unchanged. This despite the fact that he’s twenty years older than since we last saw him, graying and looking pretty much like an archaeologist in need of a colonoscopy. Yet he’s spry as a sparrow and displays no hitches whatsoever (which would’ve made for an interesting display—Indy’s age catching up to his youthful personality). Oddly, he seems to have gotten stronger. In the film’s bombastic opening, we see the sixty-something adventurer swinging like Spiderman, fighting an entire Russian army by himself, and even survive a ground zero nuclear blast without much more than a dusty shoulder. Maybe the Holy Grail gave him superpowers, I don’t know, but this is essentially every other Harrison Ford movie from the past decade, except that he has a recognizable name that’s not “Angry Old Man Fighting To Save His Family.”
There’s a detectable divide between the creative minds, as Lucas’ vision bring us to the 50’s with science fiction elements—justifying that since the 30’s set Indy was aping the adventure serials of the time, a 50’s set Indy should mimic cheesy 50’s sci-fi—but Spielberg clearly wants none of it, shooting the film with the familiar globetrotting vibe. As a result, even knowing that the film is revolved around aliens and sci-fi, it’s no less blindsiding when such elements pop up during the film. It’s a film struggling to defend its own premise, almost as if it knows there’s no reason for it to exist.
And for that exact reason, Crystal Skull is an unnecessary project born out of indulgence. Not just because it’s a sequel to a two decade old franchise that could’ve done just fine being left alone, but also because at this point in time, it’s painfully clear that it\'s a project driven solely by nostalgia. Wouldn’t you know it: the funniest scene in the entire movie is, once again, Indy’s fear of snakes, in a gag that wouldn’t even be as funny if you didn’t know of the hero’s legendary phobia beforehand. Everything in this film is a retread, which to be fair is what we should’ve expected. It’s just that, with the gap in time, the benefit of an older Indy, and all the hype surrounding it, there is that slight glimmer of assumption that this would be the definitive chapter of Indiana Jones; the revisitation of an icon. Instead, it’s just another notch in his leather belt. Another day of Indy digging up temples, jumping off cars, being double-crossed and having petty yelling matches with Marion Ravenwood.
Hell, even the Russian bad guys are carbon copies of his previous villains. In the film’s opening, as bad guys masquerading as US soldiers throw Indy to the ground, he mumbles grumpily, “Russians.” Probably because nothing else could distinguish them from Nazis.
As far as Indiana Jones movies are concerned, it’s no less competent than usual, especially in its fast-paced action scenes and bumbling humor, but there’s a lot to be desired. What was always great about Indy’s adventures were the exoticism of his destinations, yet here everything look obviously sound-stagey and excessively CGI-ed. Screenwriter David Koepp succeeds more in replicating the witty banter of past films than actually writing a coherent story or characters. Much of the film is gibberish—the adventure is less clue-following, more “Oh look, we’ve stumbled here and these writings on the walls correspond to a clue we are just now disclosing.” It quickly becomes a bore midway, leaving you wondering when the next car chase is going to show up—which are, luckily, still as fun as ever.
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" opens May 22, 2008 and is rated PG13. Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi. Written by David Koepp (screenplay), George Lucas (story), Jeff Nathanson (story).
