“You can look at me and think, ‘That’s Steven Seagal, he’s a movie star!’ or you can think, ‘That’s Steven Seagal. He’s here to save my life.’”
If there’s ever a need to summarize Steven Seagal: Lawman in one line of dialogue, that was it. That one statement, said by Seagal in front of dozens of police officers before a martial arts training session, encapsulates the bizarre nature of this unbelievable reality show. Most bizarre, perhaps, is that it’s true. He’s Steven Seagal, a famous movie star, and he’s saving these cops’ lives. At least that’s how the show portrays it.
There’s nothing really new or fresh about Lawman’s format or subjects. It’s essentially a COPS clone, but instead of following random members of police departments from a variety of urban environments, it has a consistent star in Steven Seagal, Deputy Sheriff of the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Department in Louisiana. Deputy Sheriff? That’s right. As Seagal narrates at the start of every episode: My name is Steven Seagal. I make my living in the movies, but for the past twenty years… I’ve also been a cop.
He’s really an honorary reserve who contributes off and on, but Steven Seagal: Sometime Lawman just doesn’t have the same punch.
At times, the show is just like a regular ride-along program, with the Sheriff Department busting people on the streets, on camera. Other times, it reminds us time and again that Steven Seagal is a big deal. The other cops are mostly middle-aged and/or overweight, who all need Seagal to mentor them into being better cops. Seagal is also portrayed as superhuman. Many times in each episode, he would squint at the pitch black streets from the passenger side of a moving vehicle and easily name the type of gun some person in the distance just discreetly slipped into a pocket. The show would even switch to a grainy, zoomed-in, night vision footage in slow-motion to illustrate how potent Seagal-o-vision is.
Most importantly, Lawman would like to remind us that Steven Seagal is a movie star. We see him introduce us to his big house, Cribs-style; we see him interact with his community, signing autographs and talking about his career; and sometimes, on the job, a criminal would even recognize his captor. “That’s Steven Seagal!” shouts a perp in the second episode. “Yo, you need to take these cuffs off, I gotta shake this man’s hands or something!” When Seagal demonstrates a submission grapple on a fellow cop, the victim yields and punchlines it the way the show loves to sell itself: “Man, I just had flashbacks to Above the Law!”
What takes the show out beyond the realm of the sensible is not that it has Steven Seagal playing cop. As a veteran expert of martial arts and firearms, it doesn’t seem that illogical for him to be qualified for law enforcement. What is ridiculous is the frequency in which Seagal and his squad encounter dangerous situations that are subdued thanks to Seagal’s expertise. As a matter of fact, hearing Mr. Seagal describe his beloved Jefferson Parish neighborhood has the ring of a skilled infantryman describing the streets of Baghdad. In one episode, after stopping a group of black men just exiting their own driveway and running the serials on what turn out to be perfectly legal guns, Seagal steps up to the camera and delivers an impromptu lecture about how—legal or not—civilians with guns are dangerous and that he doesn’t like having them on the streets. This, of course, is in the same episode where Seagal teaches his hapless brothers-in-blue how to shoot straight. The only surprise is that he didn’t quip, “I learned this during Under Siege 2” before capping off several cans in a row.
What you get throughout this first season is the behavior of a man who thinks that should he rest from policing the streets on a nightly basis in his capacity as an action hero, scores of bodies will wash up and blood will rain from the darkened sky. Alas, reality can’t keep up with his vision, hence the series becoming really dull and monotonous after the first episode, almost as fast as Seagal’s hands.
DVD Bonus Features
The only feature on the second disc is a collection of deleted scenes; deleted perhaps because they all play identically to any other scene on the show. If 13 episodes of Lawman aren’t enough to contain Steven Seagal’s dangerous lifestyle, here’s that extra padding.
"Steven Seagal: Lawman -The Complete Season One" is on sale March 30, 2010 and is not rated. Reality. Starring Steven Seagal.
