Ever feel like you were watching a film made of recycled parts? As if the film would say “Made from 100% recycled celluloid” at the bottom if studios didn’t think being blatantly told they were watching a repackaged mix of past, better films would anger audiences. For those who are angered, obviously the solution is just to avoid something like Killers, but for the rest of the world, those who stumble across the cover on a shelf or in a Netflix queue and don’t immediately discard it based on the faces of Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl as the draw, Killers gets to deliver a devastating combo of mediocrity and vanilla-flavored action with a swirl of romance designed to somehow please the testosterone-laden men and the estrogen-fueled women who simultaneously think to themselves “Wow, it’s an action/romance flick I can watch with my girlfriend/boyfriend.” It is, but you shouldn’t have to sacrifice all remnants of taste and quality to find that film.
On a trip to Nice with her parents (Catherine O’Hara and Tom Selleck), Jen (Katherine Heigl) gets swept off her feet by the mysterious Spencer (Ashton), and a whirlwind romance leads to a quick marriage and a home in suburbia before anyone (especially the audience) has any idea that time has passed. The couple lives in bliss with Jen the top employee at an antivirus company and Spencer working as a contractor, his past as an assassin seemingly left cleanly in the past. However, with little to no surprise, we discover that Spencer can’t just walk away from a job with the CIA and that virtually everyone he and Jen know are sleeper agents just waiting to strike when a bounty is finally posted. Now the married couple is evading shots from snipers, racing full-speed in car chases, and quibbling over the romance Jen thinks has left their relationship. Will Jen cope well with the sudden revelation that Spencer was once an assassin? Ultimately, they give us no reason to care.
The first ten minutes of the film do little but introduce us to Jen and Spencer, and by the time it’s through all we know is that Jen is neurotic and insecure and Spencer just wants to have a normal life. That’s a good starting place if you’re going to keep developing characters from there, but Killers makes no further efforts at development and just has the characters bicker about the topics that any married couple would: having children, spending time together, etc. Every feint at efforts typical of a romantic comedy fail because the characters haven’t received any time to establish themselves as anything other than two-dimensional stand-ups of a spoiled white girl and a suave guy capable of killing in cold blood, but not in the scary way that would make sense, but in the steamy, “I kill only because I love you, babe” kind of way. It’s a toned down, romantic’s version of an action movie that cares more about being a vehicle for its two stars than it does about being a comedy or an action flick. God forbid Heigl played it a little sillier or was ever out of control comically, and forget any chance of Kutcher having a role beyond the goofy but always self-confident ladies man. These two aren’t acting; they’re furthering their public personas in what could have been an action-based romantic comedy.
Otherwise, the film’s impressively large supporting cast seems to have the right idea. O’Hara and Selleck perform with the right levels of wry wit and dryness for what the film was supposed to be. Then you have the neighborhood and Spencer’s co-workers comprised of great character actors like Kevin Sussman, Lisa Ann Walter, Rob Riggle, Larry Joe Campbell, Martin Mull (though he hams his part up way too much), and Alex Borstein. They all outshine the two leads who barely have personalities at all.
Blu-ray Bonus Features
The offerings aren’t too overwhelming with Lionsgate insisting on technical features like online interactivity as the main selling points. Otherwise there’s a basic behind the scenes featurette, a gag reel (which isn’t bad), and extra scenes.
"Killers" is on sale September 7, 2010 and is rated PG13. Action, Comedy, Romance. Directed by Robert Luketic. Written by Bob DeRosa and T.M. Griffin. Starring Alex Borstein, Ashton Kutcher, Catherine OHara, Katherine Heigl, Katheryn Winnick, Tom Selleck, Kevin Sussman, Martin Mull, Rob Riggle.
