The Syfy channel and I have not always gotten along the best. Sure, they gave me Battlestar Gallactica, but they also gave me Sanctuary, one of the worse sci-fi/fantasy shows I have ever seen. I always go into Syfy original programming with low expectations, so I didn't expect much from Witchville. Even so, Witchville was on a level of the bad movie scale that is reserved for movies like Birdemic and After Last Season, simultaneously campy, silly, and boring.
Prince Malachy (Luke Goss) is slowly traveling home taking plenty of time for boozing and carousing when his father dies. He returns home accompanied by his buddies Jason (Ed Speleers) and Erik (Andrew Pleavin), and a mystical crackpot named Kramer (Simon Thorp) claims that all the troubles facing the realm can be easily explained. There are witches around, and they need to be burned! Long story short, Kramer is right, and King Malachy goes to battle against a beautiful witch named Jozefa (MyAnna Buring) and the Red Queen (Sarah Douglas).
For me, the first sign of trouble was the CGI raven. There is a shot where a raven flies into a shot and lands on a ledge. Now, there wasn't any good reason to use a CGI raven. I bet they could have even found some stock footage of a real raven landing on a ledge. It certainly would have looked better than the ugly Birdemic-style raven they used. When you can't afford a shot of a real raven, there is no question a movie is in trouble. If you are looking for a good laugh, watch the scene with Kramer using a crossbow that lights its arrows on fire. There's a whole sequence showing the workings of the crossbow, but when the camera cuts to his target, the arrow never appears. The arrow shoots, but it never goes anywhere. This is more than just cheap CGI effects; the filmmakers can't even maintain continuity in a simple action scene.
The best way to sum up Witchville is that it plays out like a second-rate World of Warcraft knock-off. The dialogue is heavy-handed and awkwardly delivered, and some of the characters are practically stolen from WoW. Jozefa looks just like a rogue elf, and the armor is clearly inspired WoW including these comically big shoulder pads that are completely impractical for battle. If balance is so important to sword fighting, then why would someone put giant heavy antlers on one of their shoulders? This lack of logic carries over to every part of Witchville, and the only way that I can recommend watching this film, since I doubt it is too small for Riff Trax to lampoon it, is to try my suggested drinking game. Every time someone says “witch,” take a sip. That way, you will pass out at about the half-hour mark and sleep through the rest of the movie.
SPECIAL FEATURES
The DVD release includes the theatrical trailer for the film.
"Witchville" is on sale July 5, 2011 and is not rated. Adventure, Fantasy. Directed by Pearry Reginald Teo. Written by John Werner, Amy Krell. Starring Andrew Pleavin, Ed Speleers, Luke Goss, Myanna Buring, Sarah Douglas, Simon Thorp.
