If one thing is for certain about watching a movie by Uwe Boll, it's this: the viewer will likely be disgusted, in at least one capacity, in the process. Think of anything that would likely offend an average movie-goer, then slap the word "gratuitous" in front of it, and that's what you'll find in an Uwe Boll film. Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is no exception.
Unfortunately, it can't be said that Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is a straightforward vampire movie -- "straightforward" implies that there is a point to it, that it isn't a rambling and hopeless mess. It is filmmaking in rare form, somehow avoiding even the most basic storytelling principles. The most obvious is how the titular character, Rayne (Natassia Malthe), a super-sexy vampire vixen, has absolutely no drive, no motivation, no goal and virtually no reason to be in this movie. She's centuries old, and now seems to be stuck (for some reason) in the middle of some Nazi-occupied area in Europe during WWII.
She uses her two swords to hack and slash at Nazis, but apart from the lazy stunt work and fight scenes, there is no reason for her to be in this movie. By my count, she doesn't even have that many lines. The real main character of the film, the one who rivals Rayne for more screen time, is the Nazi scientist, Doctor Mangler (Clint Howard). His goal is clear: to use Rayne's vampire blood to help make Hitler a vampire, and thus indestructible. You might think Rayne's goal is to stop him from doing so, but she is for the most part unaware of his plan.
Even the small rebellion group, led by Nathaniel (Brendan Fletcher), in the Nazi-occupied area seems listless -- they attack German camps and kill Nazis. Yet when they stumble upon a train-load of Jewish people being shipped to concentration camps, people you'd think they'd be interested in saving, they seem to not care, as they were just looking for weapons. They just turned heel at the starving Jewish prisoners with nowhere to go -- I can't think of a better way to get the audience to dislike them.
The only thing that Rayne does to affect the plot is biting a high-ranking German soldier, Commandant Brand (Michael Paré), turning him into a vampire, which in turn means that now a vampire controls a large Nazi army, which means trouble for Nathan's rebellion, and I guess, the rest of Europe. Maybe you're asking yourself, "Doesn't Rayne know that when she bites someone, they turn into a vampire?" Yes, she's aware, but does it anyway, creating a comparable adversary for herself. It's never explained why she does it. It's a pointless action whose only purpose is to spread the vampire germ and create more reason for gory swordplay.
So, with the lack of purpose for Rayne, the movie mostly follows Mangler and the Commandant, the former helping the latter ease into his new vampire state. It's not an awful premise for a subplot, the only downfall is that it comprises almost the whole plot. Clint Howard doesn't stray from his typical hyperstrange delivery of lines -- he appears totally aware he's in an awful movie, which is no surprise, as he has appeared in many, many B-rated films. But he has fun starring in offbeat horror movies, even ones so offbeat as Bloodrayne, where he is the movie's drawing star power.
When we're not seeing Mangler and the Commandant together, we're seeing Rayne randomly do something pointless. Like her five-minute lesbian sex scene with some prostitute. Or the time she is walking down some alley, and two muggers attack her, and she goes ballistic on them with her swords. Where she is, what she's doing, why they attack -- all a mystery to the audience, just like the rest of the story.
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is 79 minutes of confusing Nazi vs. vampire vs. Nazi-vampire action. It sounds appealing, but it isn't. Odds are: in 79 minutes you yourself can make a better vampire movie. Please do, and send it to me so I can start forgetting this film.
Blu-ray Bonus Features
Along with two trailers, there is a very standard interview with the screenwriter, Michael Nachoff. Inexplicably, the entire interview is underneath an irritating, translucent green hue. Then there's a making-of bit with comments from the cast, as well as Uwe Boll. However, it's more about Uwe Boll and how awesome the cast thinks he is, rather than the actual making of the film.
"Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" is on sale July 5, 2011 and is rated R. Action, Horror. Directed by Uwe Boll. Written by Michael Nachoff. Starring Brendan Fletcher, Clint Howard, Michael Pare, Natassia Malthe.
