On one end of the spectrum are shows like: Mad Men, Dexter, Breaking Bad, and so many others that elevate the medium of television and leave people scratching their heads as they realize TV may have surpassed film in terms of quality, originality, and daring. Undoubtedly, television has entered a new chapter, attracting top talents and directors onto projects that look and sound like the best film you could pop in. Gone are the days when TV ran a distant second, easily identifiable for the lower production value and formulaic stories. That said, The Girls Next Door and countless others like it continue to overwhelm the airwaves with inexpensive, easy-to-mass-produce, trite programming. Even talking about such shows gives one the feeling of losing brain cells. So, let’s begin.
Season 6 opens with a changing of the guard. In the form of contractually obligations, previous series stars and playmates Kendra Wilkinson, Holly Madison, and Bridget Marquardt were required to appear in the sixth season. The former provides the completely overdramatic opening to the season with her teary goodbye to Hef, saying she’s moving “somewhere nearby.” Hardly the end of the world, but the absurdity and melodrama of another seasonal arc has commenced.
The show wastes no time in introducing the next line-up of girlfriends for Hef and the viewing audience to go gaga over: 19-year-old twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon, and the elderly 23-year-old Crystal Harris. While the masculine appeal of two-is-better-than-one brought the twins the highest season premiere of the show, numbers slipped and slipped some more until bottoming out in the fifth week. For anyone still subscribed to the floundering Playboy magazine, Crystal took June’s cover announcing her approaching nuptials to Hef. Alas, he called it off five days before the wedding.
In the meantime, ex-girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison were off enjoying their own titular shows, aptly named Kendra and Holly’s World (drawing to mind a horrifying carnival theme park overcrowded with temperamental blondes who split their time between plastic surgery, PETA, and Dancing with the Stars). It’s hard to reconcile the obvious expansion of a business that is built around such a tragically dim concept. Joey might have been a disastrous spin-off series, but it came from the genius that constituted a decade of welcoming Friends into our homes. To think a round-table discussion occurred pitching and then settling on spin-offs for any part of The Girls Next Door boggles the mind.
The great tragedy of The Girls Next Door is the repercussions it has on the brand. The economy’s down, times are tough, and it’s no secret that Playboy is in troubled waters. The old cliché, you know that one about how good the articles are, is 100% true. Beyond enticing male readers to turn the page for a view of another starlet, Playboy has tricked many a horny buyer into reading some of the most superb, provocative, and compelling articles in almost six decades of competitive publishing. Incredible projects, such as Best Picture winner The Hurt Locker, started with screenwriter Mark Boal’s writing in Playboy, that attracted Best Director winner Kathryn Bigelow to his material.
There was a time when Playboy represented a sophistication and class. The thinking man’s nudy magazine. Part the allure, however, lay in the belief that the bunnies were girls on the road to college, paying bills, working towards the next step in their life. This may still be the case, but the show does everything in its power to dash any redeeming sentiment on the rocks. They really do just seem like rich little dumb girls without ambition or potential, except to land an 85-year-old in the sack and hope he kicks it before he tires, moves on, and rewrites the will.
DVD Bonus Features
Beyond the monotony and boredom that you can inflict on yourself, why not take a gander at commentaries with the girls? Any remaining waves rippling through your gray matter will slip into a nice, steady flatline. The deleted scenes are a laugh, mainly because thinking that there was actually stuff they cut to arrive at the final product shows how truly bad the show could be if editors didn’t futilely battle to make something out of it. And finally, praised be, there is a whole other bonus episode. So settle in and watch twenty more minutes. Let the creative coma begin.
"The Girls Next Door: Season Six" is on sale July 19, 2011 and is not rated. Reality. Starring Crystal Harris, Hugh Hefner, Karissa Shannon, Kristina Shannon.
