Poor Norway. Terror attacks, manifestos, a language that sounds like the Swedish chef with brain damage. It's a country in need of a makeover, something to show that behind the fanatic, survivalist machismo of its most frightening images, there is something deeper, something more mysterious, something more... ridiculous. Like ninjas.
Enter Norwegian Ninja, a movie that wants to convince us that the cold war was really fought by secret bands of black clad, footie-wearing stealth soldiers, dedicated to protecting their country from foreign threats. It might have done wonders for Norway's image, if it wasn't quite so terrible. As it stands it's at least a creative, genre-bending B film.
And creative it is. According to the movie, the historical figure Arne Treholt, the biggest traitor in Norwegian history, sentenced to 20 years for selling state secrets to the KGB, was not only a secret patriot, he was the Aviators-wearing commander of a secret troop of Norwegian ninjas. Treholt only appears after the puff of a smoke bomb, he can disappear into shadows, he can conduct electricity, his touch can cause enlightenment. So when a CIA group called Stay Behind starts staging terrorist attacks to incite popular uprisings against Russia, the ninja troop has to stop them.
Actual early-80s newsreel footage is seamlessly cut in with the increasingly-ridiculous ninja action, which includes ninjas riding torpedoes, ninjas driving skycars and airboats, ninjas in wingsuits jumping off mountains. It's a blend of spoof and history that Tarantino might be jealous of, if the real Tarantino wasn't tied up in a cave somewhere while the hack who made Inglorious Basterds walks around Hollywood talking too fast.
But of course this is a B movie (some might say Z). And in the great tradition of bad movies, for every one minute of awesomesauce there is at least fifteen minutes of pure crusty crap toast. After a delightfully overblown beginning the plot gets more and more incomprehensible, a character grows a beard for no reason, montages and flashbacks reach and stretch for precious minutes. The pieces come back together for a slam-bam final act, which sadly goes by too quickly to make up for the rest.
The fight scenes are memorable though, with lots of military-style limb locks and flips. There's a fight with active camouflage and night-vision, and one particularly inspired scene towards the end, where four ninjas slide down into the King's office and hide directly behind some guards as they walk and talk to each other, all without being seen.
It's a clever and well-choreographed scene, and if the whole movie were done with this much charm and precision, Norwegian Ninja might have been more than a fascinating novelty.
DVD Bonus Features
As usual, the bonus features are more watchable than the movie. There's a music video of the best scenes in the film set to the jammin' 70s-sounding ninja theme. Also of note is a featurette on the stunt choreography. Half is dedicated to the King's office scene, which was done (surprise!) not by stuntmen but a group of Norwegian hip-hop dancers. I'm not sure if this means they're simply Norwegian or if they dance to Norwegian hip-hop (or if there is such a thing as Norwegian hip-hop), but it's an interesting watch.
Other bonuses include full footage of the wingsuit jumps, deleted scenes, trailers, and a blooper reel, where we find out just how many takes you need to toss a cigarette out of the box straight into your mouth.
"Norwegian Ninja" is on sale August 30, 2011 and is not rated. Action, Adventure, Comedy, Foreign, Martial-Arts. Written and directed by Thomas Cappelen Malling. Starring Jon øigarden, Mads Ousdal, Trond Viggo Torgersen.
