We were all skeptical when they announced a film based on a ride that sat you on a boat that moved along a track as animatronic pirates jerked back and forth to the “Yo Ho A Pirate’s Life For Me” song, but the writing in the first film was clever and it made you want to see what happened to Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow. The second film was disappointing but it ended with the Kraken eating Captain Jack Sparrow – so again, you were curious as to what happened. The third film was just an utter mess, but you knew it was giving some sort of closure and so you went with it. The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the fourth film, had the chance to start at square one and be a rollicking adventure focused on Sparrow and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), whose character chemistry has always been the strongest part of the franchise. It instead devolves into what director Rob Marshall must think is the heart of the series: large set piece stunts, empty stories, and Johnny Depp.
A daring escape from a government official (think Futurama’s hedonismbot, it’s dead on) puts Captain Jack on a quest to find the Fountain of Youth after a chance encounter with an old flame (Penelope Cruz) lands him on the decks of the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the flagship of the dreaded pirate, Captain Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Racing them to the finish line are two fleets: one of no-nonsense Spaniards and another led by Barbossa who has, since the events of the third film, gone legit and taken a military post. Of course, being an ex-pirate, Barbossa’s intentions aren’t entirely honorable and he makes it clear that he’s also hoping to catch up to Blackbeard and kill him for taking the Black Pearl and leaving him with a peg leg (one of the most unnecessary pieces of character “development” ever).
If you think it has to be better because the story no longer has Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley to bog it down, you’re wrong, as they’ve essentially inserted two new equivalent characters of lesser depth but equal resistance to the chain of events the pirates would pursue. Attempts at sentimentality between McShane and Cruz feel wasted because they’re never written well or even in a clever manipulative way that would at least have felt par for the course. Instead these subplots and weakly bolstered motivations just get in the way and help remind you how far the franchise has fallen from that first film that managed to score a few belly laughs and present some creative ideas. The best conversations still come from the Rush and Depp pairings, the short amount of time they’re on screen together, but even it feels like it’s going through the motions and the dialogue is never as clever or snappy as it originally was.
So where did all the effort go?
Stunts, but not impressive stunts. Long, drawn out stunt sequences that have neither a wow factor or even a point beyond reminding you of the series earlier accomplishments. The shift in focus to large stunt pieces wasn’t even a staple in the first film, it was the switch to that which made Dead Man’s Chest feel like a lesser film. At the End of the World continued that slide, and now On Stranger Tides is playing in the shallow pool that collected at the bottom.
The story is a joke. The writing is empty. The stunts are heartless. The interactions are forced. A stellar cast was wasted in an adventure that could have been so much more had Rob Marshall and company just stuck to the elements that made the first film such a favorite: witty conversation, Geoffrey Rush & Johnny Depp (together), good ol’ fashioned sea battles. We don’t need huge acrobatic escape sequences, sword fights on top of giant rolling wheels, or even a goddess trapped in the body of a human aboard a ship battling its way out of a giant whirlpool.
Give us Depp (with Geoffrey Rush as much as possible), Rush (by himself or with Depp), clever quips, backstabbing, treasure, and a story worth telling. These elements are infinitely easier to put together than the mess Marshall gave us with On Stranger Tides, meaning there is a lot of wasted effort here. When will Pirates of the Caribbean return to what made it great?
Blu-ray Bonus Features
Unfortunately, the big thing Disney is trying to sell audiences on in the place of normal extras is the "second screen" concept where you pair a PC or tablet with your Blu-ray player and watch there as little featurettes pop up through the course of the film. How this interruption-based style is better than a big menu to be perused afterwards I don't know. In terms of normal extras, there is only one Blu-ray exclusive and that's a mediocre commentary by Marshall and Executive Producer John DeLuca.
Otherwise it also includes a blooper reel and a series of video shorts where Lego versions of the characters act out little scenes. These also appear on the DVD copy included in the combo pack.
"Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" is on sale October 18, 2011 and is rated PG13. Action, Adventure, Comedy. Directed by Rob Marshall. Written by Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio. Starring Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz.
