Story credit in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl goes to one Racer Max Rodriguez, which, amazingly, isn't an Alan Smithee but the actual name of director Robert Rodriguez's actual eight-year-old son. I'm not sure how having a writing spot in a feature at age eight is going to affect young Racer's adolescent years, but he's probably going to be the bane of his composition teachers.
But having a story written by an eight-year-old is probably a natural progression for the "Rodriguez Family" pictures. I mean, the Spy Kids stories never made much sense to begin with, why not scrap the adult input entirely? Contrary to the trend toward more adult-friendly plots and in-jokes in children's fare, Sharkboy and Lavagirl doesn't even pretend to be interesting to adults.
The adult characters seem as surprised (and unhappy) to be in the movie as the adults in the audience surely are. Dad David Arquette mopes at the camera like the chaperone at a circus field trip, mom Kristin Davis glowers in a pantsuit like she was being held up from an important meeting at Momcorp ("crushing dreams" division).
But once you accept that, it's actually kind of fun. The reviews when this movie came out were pretty dismal, so I was surprised at how inventive and colorful it frequently is. This is another in a long line of children's tales stemming from The Phantom Tollbooth (which owed a lot to The Wizard of Oz), where the plot takes place mostly in an inner fantasy of puns and metaphors. Just like in a cartoon (or in a child's mind), a train of thought is literally a train, a stream of consciousness is a river, etc.
This movie was also originally in 3D, so there are many sequences that are probably supposed to be look amazingly three dimensional and we just have to take their word for it. I can't imagine how much duller the colors looked on the notoriously dim 3D screens.
The Sharkboy and Lavagirl of the title are two child superheroes created by the young Max out of his dreams, which he insists are real, much to the chagrin of his parents, the local bully Linus, and his teacher Mr. Electricidad (an enjoyable George Lopez, hamming it up across several roles). Of course, they show up in real life and whisk the schoolboy Max away to the Planet Drool, where the evil Mr. Electric is turning dreams into nightmares. I would go on but it's not like it makes sense anyway.
The fact that Sharkboy and Lavagirl are both played by someone named Taylor is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Sharkboy, of course, is a chibi Taylor Lautner, and it's guaranteed that 80% of the Blu-ray sales will go to pubescent Twilight fans who want to ogle him as a 12-year-old (pedophiles!) Seeing him doing the same kung-fu moves over and over to defeat scores of CGI baddies is kind of fun, and a reminder that before being a beefy heartthrob he was an actual youth martial artist.
In the end though, it's all just silly fun, and the attempts to give it a point or a back story fall pretty flat, and the final sequence is pretty nonsensical even for a nonsense movie. But if you're eight, it's probably amazing. And if you're Racer Max Rodriguez, it's a dream come true. Followed probably by years of shame, regret, and an eventual middle-management job in banking.
Blu-ray Bonus Features
An audio commentary with Robert and Racer Rodriguez, which is kind of fun in a family photos sort of way. Plus a small featurette with the Roderiguez kids about developing the story.
"The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl" is on sale November 8, 2011 and is rated PG. Adventure, Children & Family. Directed by Robert Rodriguez. Written by Robert Rodriguez, Marcel Rodriguez, Racer Max Rodriguez. Starring David Arquette, George Lopez, Taylor Lautner, Taylor Dooley, Cayden Boyd.
