So a couple of college students go on an online auction site and find an auction for a two-hundred-year-old ghost trapped in a box. So, they buy it. And, there's a ghost in it. And it starts killing people. And they're surprised?
Clearly the real monster here is eBay's shady return policy.
Did I mention the box used to be owned by TV's Superman himself, Dean Cain? Don't get excited though, he's in the movie for maybe ten minutes. The rest is about Jim (Stephen Colletti), Dixie (Jonathan 'Lil J' McDaniel), and Ginger (Masiela Lusha), three long-time friends and students at Generic U. Dixie and Ginger aren't sleeping together but act like it, Jim and Ginger want to be sleeping together but don't act like it, and Jim and Dixie are roommates and so sleep together anyway. Jim and Dixie pool money together to buy the internet ghost, an Irish maid or something named Katie Malone who is angry about stuff. Who cares, we just want her to slice people's hands off.
The difference between Kill Katie Malone and most other crappy college horror flicks is that the vengeful ghost or whatever isn't slowly picking off a group of friends one at a time. Instead, Katie Malone, being owned by Jim and Dixie, starts by killing off all the people they don't like. Which seems it'd be a good deal if the two weren't so squeamish about it. Trouble doesn't really start setting in until Jim tries to set the ghost free, causing her to turn on her former owners.
Because it's not about a large group of friends being picked it, the movie is spared the usual cast of cookie-cutter characters destined to deliver a few catch phrases before being murdered horribly. We get more time with the core group of three and much more characterization. Some of the best parts of the movie are Masiela Lusha and Lil J just hanging out and talking. Lusha is particularly fun to watch, like a sassy Anna Paquin (Lusha was George Lopez' non-Mexican daughter on George Lopez). And because we have so much time spent getting to know these characters, by the end we almost don't want them to die. Almost.
Unfortunately, that's the best that can be said of this movie. The special effects are laughable, the deaths weird and uncreative, and the premise hilarious. Particularly strange are the lighting choices: trying to evoke a sort of The Social Network dark collegiate atmosphere, it ends up with strange shadows and a lot of lights pointing directly at the camera.
But, because we care about the characters a lot more than your usual horror movie, a lot more can be forgiven.
Also, TV's Superman shows up again at the end, which is a good reason to stick around.
Blu-ray Bonus Features
Just a trailer. No more, no less.
"Kill Katie Malone" is on sale December 13, 2011 and is rated R. Horror. Directed by Carlos Ramos Jr. Written by Mark Onspaugh, Carlos Ramos Jr.. Starring Dean Cain, Masachika Ichimura, Masiela Lusha, Stephen Colletti, Jonathan Lil J Mcdaniel.
