David Caruso's Crimes Against Acting Come to an End in the Final Season of "CSI: Miami" Review

“I been all over, that could have come from anywhere.”  “Yeah, but it’s not a sardine.  It’s a garra fish.”

Let’s montage! YEAH!

In CSI: Miami the CSIs are still I-ing CSs as usual.  Lt. Horatio Caine (David Caruso) leads the team of incredibly skilled and relevantly-informed investigators.  Calleigh Duquesne (Emily Procter), Eric Delko (Adam Rodriguez), Walter Simmons (Omar Miller), Ryan Wolfe (Jonathan Togo), and Natalia Boa Vista (Eva La Rue).  They all drive H3s.  They all wield guns and microscopes in their quest to figure things out and point guns at people.  We’ve got ourselves a body.  Make that two.  Or even three.  Don’t worry, the various perpetrators will be handcuffed and shakily photographed by the end.  That is, unless somebody needs saving.  I think it’s time for a…


They run the CSI unit like the Mythbusters guys with equal skills in writing and execution.  “Well let’s see what we have here Calleigh.”  “That’s right Walter, we’ve got ourselves some fiber, a blood stain, and an exotic thingy.”  “Well, Calleigh, I guess that means we’re going to have to run it through the whirly thing to find out what all chemical stuff is in it.”  But that will probably get us onto the next clue that will probably turn our first suspect into an unsuspecting victim.  Fear not, though.  The third clue will probably bring him back into the frame for something else, so all that suspicion you just invested will almost definitely pay off.


Mystery is a tricky genre to write well.  How to put the clues in place without being perceptibly contrived?  CSI: Miami doesn’t even know it has to try.  Lull in the story?  Why don’t we blow a little clue into the scene?  “Hey, what’s this?  A very strange leaf…”  “A fire just destroyed our crime scene, but I see there’s a mostly burned piece of paper here…let’s put it through the glowy-thing.”        Maybe… 


The thing about this show that is kind of sad is that the production is incredible.  When things get technical, they integrate the surroundings with little prompters to make the process sensible.  Sure, sometimes the fire is obviously fake, but they have a TV budget, give ‘em a break.  Flashbacks are also on the cheap side.  Still, there are little flashes of ingenuity that belong to a better show.  The shaky camera, though, that I can do without.


David Caruso in CSI: Miami is possibly the worst television performance I’ve ever seen in my life.  He’s just terribly cast.  He doesn’t have a husky voice or a mysterious calm.  Instead he just looks like a moron dropped into the job and bungles around trying to fool everyone that he’s actually competent.  Some of the others show traces of acting, but we’re going to need one of the lasery-do-dads to confirm.  Otherwise, it’s like a cold read at an acting workshop.  Oh no!  It’s Orlando Jones.  Has he fallen so far?

Oh God, please don’t!  Please—MONNNTAAAAAAAGE!

When ratings bottomed out, the series was cut to 19 episodes and eventually cancelled. 

DVD Bonus Features

“A Perfect Ten” is a twenty minute set of interviews marveling over the various themes and

“Miami Meets Mother Nature” is behind-the-scenes interviews for the episode “Blown Away” in which there was a tornado in Miami which acts as cover for the baddies’ felonious little plans.  For those interested in medium budget CGI, this is a nice featurette and rather technical.  Within that featurette, there’s also a goodly amount of the debris-laden set and the crew working and shooting the scenes, giving a strong sense of how the filming worked on the show.  It runs fourteen and a half minutes.

“A ‘Tripp’ To the Set” is a tour from Det. Frank Tripp (Rex Linn) that goes through the set, pre- and post-production areas.  It is what it is.  A little silliness, no real content.

“The Miami Look” is about…the look of Miami.  It’s production design and location work to mirror the architecture and designs of Miami.  A lot of details.  Could be of interest to someone.

Deleted scenes.  If they deleted every bad scene it would have been a 20 minute show.  Still, I can’t say they were wrong in their deletions.  So the worst of the worst is available for a fair number of these episodes.  Not sure if that’s a good thing.  Not really worth the time, in any case.

Gag Reel.  They screwed up sometimes.

"CSI: Miami - The Final Season" is on sale September 25, 2012 and is not rated. Crime. Directed by Adam Rodriguez, Allison Liddi Brown, Bill Gierhart, Don Tardino, Gina Lamar, James Wilcox, Larry Detwiler, Marco Black, Matt Earl Beesley, Sam Hill, Sylvain White. Written by Marc Dube, Barry O'Brien, Doreen J. Blauschild, Brian Davidson, Krystal Houghton, Brett Mahoney, Melissa Scrivner, Michael McGrale, Greg Bassenian, Tamara Jaron, K. David Bena, Krystal Houghton Ziv, Robert Hornak, Grace DeVuono, Adam Rodriguez. Starring Adam Rodriguez, Christian Clemenson, David Caruso, Emily Procter, Eva La Rue, Jonathan Togo, Omar Benson Miller, Rex Linn, Taylor Cole.

Jason Ratigan • Staff Writer

A lawyer-turned-something-else with a strong appreciation for film and television.  He knows he can't read every great book ever written, but seeing every good movie ever made is absolutely doable.  Check out his other stuff on Wordpress.


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